Finally I Write This
by Fewfre
Summary: Based on LolliDictator's Hetalia Manuals. A teenage girl is relaxing, enjoying her summer when a certain patriot arrives, followed by many crazy and out-of-this-world happenings. Note: No USUK or yaoi.
1. Chapter 1: A Surprise Visit

Summer had started and my parents were away for a month-long cruise. My grandparents were with them. I had no sisters or brothers that were in Florida, which is where I lived. Completely, absolutely, undoubtedly all alone, and my only company was my black cat Mikey.

Life was good, life was so, so good.

As every student who had just gotten out of middle school wanted to do, I wanted to hang out with my friends. Be it a day, night, or even just an afternoon, I wanted to stick close to them as long as I could before I went to the high school miles away from where everybody else would go. At least, that's what my mind-set was before the last day of school. Now all I wanted to do now was bury myself in anime, TV, and manga. And I had all of that in my unsupervised house.

Life was good, life was so, so good.

But like every other teen in the world, I got bored. So, so bored. In fact, I got bored enough to read some fanfiction on Hetalia: Axis Powers, the anime I was almost completely obsessed with. I say almost because I didn't have a cosplay outfit or any merchandise of it except my Nations keychain, which hung on a push pin on the board above my laptop. One fanfic caught my eye: the Unit manual fanfic. I usually read these and just let it go, but being the bored teenager I was I just HAD to find out if I could actually get one. Being ever skeptical, I looked it up on eBay and Amazon and all those websites and discovered that it was the real deal. I browsed through it a bit, looking at the price of them, and saw that they achieved a couple of figures, and were mostly used as…er…'enjoyment' toys. I didn't click anything, and that I can swear to this day is true.

But somehow, at 8 in the morning (Really? I mean, I was sleeping, for God's sakes!) the doorbell rang. Following my step dad's instructions I let it ring and went back to blissful sleep, being serenaded by my clock's ocean wave's music.

Then it rang again. And again. AND AGAIN.

"Goddammit…" I grumbled to myself as I got up, taking a moment to steady myself from falling. Hurrying out of my bedroom, I slammed my door shut, startling my cat. He complained but I told him to shut up.

The rings kept getting more consistent, and I wondered if this was some sort of prank show about pissin' people off in the morning. That thought got me madder.

Finally I made it to the front door, and after checking outside to make sure there wasn't a pedo waiting hornily by the welcome mat I swung the door open. When I looked out I only saw a white van drive speedily away. After deciding not to chase after it like a mad woman I glanced down and saw a box, a normal, Plain-Jane box sitting quietly in front of my bare feet.

Just when I was about to pick it up, it moved. That's right, IT MOVED. I backed away in fear and stared down on it, unsure of what to do next.

"Well, Watson, I'm at a loss," I said in a Sherlock-Holmes accent. Suddenly, shit started happening.

"ARTIE!" An explosion erupted from the box, and it happened to have blonde hair. It also happened to look a lot like America, or Alfred F. Jones. I collapsed, looking disbelievingly at the Alfred F. Jones Unit. That's what I thought it was anyway.

"Huh? You're not Artie." Alfred stated, looking at me with a dejected expression. "You're just some blonde girl!"

At that, I got up in frustration, pissed off for the second time that day. "I'm sorry to inform you that I'm 14, which makes me a teenager." I declared, crossing my arms in a teenager-like manner. Alfred looked at me quizzically.

"But you're so short!"

That was an understatement. I stood up to Alfred's shoulder, which was a pretty good height when you thought about it. I glared coldly at him and noticed for the first time the manual on the box. I bent down and picked it up, ignoring Alfred's nonsensical yammer about how American my house was, saying that all the other houses he went to were so dull and boring and some other bullshit I couldn't hear.

**ALFRED F. JONES: User Guide and Manual**

Well, he was definitely a Unit, all right. And that meant he was also…I blushed a deep red and shook the thought away quickly, cursing myself for being so perverted. I began to read the manual or whatever it was but barely got past the programming when I heard a big CRASH!

OH. SHIT.

I ran back through the house, trying to pin-point where the loud and horrible noise came from. I ended up in my room, where Alfred was standing with a puppy-like look in his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" He started to say, looking miserably at something. I dreaded finding out what that something was. My eyes finally directed themselves to my tall beauty mirror, smashed to pieces. I saw a hole that went from where the mirror had been to the inside of the wall, and I felt my mouth drop down like one of those Boomerang cartoons.

"Y-y-you, s-smashed m-my mirror…" I breathed, shocked that the hole was in a fist-shaped line. "Why?" That was the only question I could ask, never mind how, since he seemed stronger than Mike Tyson.

Alfred kicked at my carpet guiltily. "I thought I saw a ghost in the mirror, so I punched it so it wouldn't get me."

I didn't even want to START at how stupid that sounded, how absolutely absurd and retarded that idea was. Instead I made eye contact with him and made the angriest face I could, which must've been pretty good since Alfred was trembling in his leather jacket.

"GTFO." I announced, pointing to the outside of my door. "Now, before I pull your Nantucket so hard you'll have to get a new Articles of Confederation to put it back on!"

Alfred stopped shaking and suddenly, to my ultimate dismay, struck a hero pose. "The Hero has recognized an evil villain," Alfred started, in a very, very loud heroic voice, "but the Hero will triumph and escape this cynical hag!"

I wanted to say, 'Whatcha say bitch?' in my ghetto voice but was too shocked to reply. Too shocked to move, in fact. I watched in horrified wonder as Alfred laughed an earsplitting laugh and left my room, gaining more of an ever-increasing ego. God help me.

God help us all.

After recovering from Alfred's dramatic and idiotic declaration, I forced myself to deal with him in the best way possible: feeding him popcorn and letting him watch comedies on my flat-screen (it's not really mine, it's my step dad's, but what the hell). I read the manual in-between his gigantic laughs and wondered where the TONY unit was. I checked the box and didn't see one, and was kind of happy about that because I didn't want an alien calling me a 'fucktard' all the time.

Alfred went through movies fast; since we have multiple movie channels, he'd watch the beginning of one movie, get bored and switch, watch the ending of another, get bored and switch, then go onto another until he found one with a famous, hot lady actress that had an American sounding name (sorry, Eliza Dushku). I sat down to watch one with him at one point but couldn't handle the laughter and had to leave before I needed a hearing aid (actually, I'm 86% sure I need one right now).

When it came to around midnight I bid him a quick good-night. I lay in bed, speculating whether or not he would destroy the house while I was sleeping. My ominous question was answered when he came in fifteen minutes later holding a teddy bear that magically appeared.

"H-hey girl?" Alfred tentatively asked, and I was about to yell at him when I remembered I hadn't told him my name.

"My name's Erica," I corrected him sleepily.

"Yeah, Erica, can I sleep with you tonight?"

? Excuse a moi, but I think I heard a 19-year-old clone tell me he wanted to sleep. With me. While I'm alone in my house. I blushed so deeply I thought someone would have to get a fire extinguisher to cool me down. My thoughts went pretty dirty from there, and I felt my heart pound even quicker. I thought to myself, He's cute, actually he's hot, and he happens to be a sex toy, and not just any sex toy, oh no, no, an America sex toy, and he wants to sleep with you. Not tomorrow, not next week, not never, _tonight_. GET IN THERE GIRL!

"No, no, no, no, NO, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO!" I protested, covering my ears to stop all the nasty things racing through my mind. "I wanna stay a virgin, I wanna stay a virgin, I wanna stay a virgin!"

Alfred looked at me, confused. "What? I don't wanna have sex with you, if that's what you think, I mean I wouldn't mind if you wanted to-"

My perverted, horny little teenager mind exploded.

"-since I'm your unit, after all," My mind rebuilt itself. "But I saw the movie Paranormal Activity and got really scared and don't want to sleep alone tonight!" He finished in a panic, his blue eyes darting from left-to-right.

I sighed, suppressing the urge to laugh my ass off, and answered, "Sure, but you're sleeping on the floor since my bed's too small for two people. Get the blanket from the floor as a mattress, get the pillow too, and use my comforter as a blanket." I watched with minuscule interest as Alfred did this at break-neck speed. I heard my friends talking about how scary it was, but man, I didn't think it was _this_ scary. Either that or Alfred was a big pussy. I bet on Alfred.

After a few minutes Alfred had set up a mini-bed, a term I use loosely because it was really just a blanket on a floor covered by a small pillow and a giant comforter. Alfred seemed snug as a bug in a rug, though, so I just let him think how comfortable it seemed to be. He took his glasses off carefully and handed them to me, and I begrudgingly put them on my nearby night-stand.

"Thanks," He said, before falling into a deep, snore-filled sleep, "Erica."

"No welcome," I automatically responded, and drifted into my own slumber.


	2. Chapter 2: Some Elegance is Added

DING -DONG!

I woke up with a start and scratched my head, stopping dead when I saw a handsome guy sleeping soundly in a make-shift bed on my bedroom floor. I started cursing up a storm but realized that is was Alfred F. Jones, the unit I supposedly ordered online a few days ago.

DING-freaking-DONG!

"I'm up already, God," I mumbled, getting up lazily and being meticulous not to step on the over-patriotic American clone. I walked slowly, barely noticing as Mikey slipped between my legs as I stomped across the kitchen floor. I heaved a great, sad sigh and opened the door to find another, _yet another_ box at my doorstep.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I whined, wiping the sleep from my eyes. One unit was enough, but two? I couldn't comprehend the person that would accidentally send two units to the _same address_.

Letting go of my building up anger for a second, I picked up the manual for the unit cautiously and stared, speechless, at the writing on it.

**ARTHUR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual**

I may seem like a normal, innocent-yet-perverted teenager, but I was immune to one thing: Britain. Man, the British accent was one of my largest fetishes. God, if I heard that in real life, I'd either be on the floor laughing (don't ask why) or saying 'humina humina humina' at light speed. So I fangirled, giggling uncontrollably and pacing my feet up and down at a speed that would get me pulled over by a local cop (sorry officer, I was just fangirling).

"What's with the box?" Alfred's annoying, loud voice drifted into the room and my mind went to yaoi. I did not like it, and I certainly did not read it, but come on, after hearing so much about the USUK pairing who wouldn't think about that? I ignored Alfred, however, and kept reading the manual for how to wake him up.

Alfred unexpectedly got close to me and started to read the manual from my shoulder. Pissed off, I swatted him in the face with my back hand. It wasn't a bitch slap, but it was pretty close.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Alfred moaned, holding his face with his hands. "That hurt!" With 'hurt', the hamburger-lover brought it up a couple of notes, momentarily ticking me off a little more. I heard the box shake more violently. I should get Arthur out of there before he comes out in berserker mode…

Alfred began singing "The Star-Spangled-Banner" and I stared at him in utter horror.

"What the heck do you think you're—"

"Turn that damn racket down!"

A perfectly fitted British accent sounded from the box, and I heard scratches coming from the box. I wondered if Alfred heard, and apparently he did because he sang even _louder_.

"O SAY DOES THAT STAR SPANGLED BANNER YET WAVE! FOR THE LAND OF THE FREE, AND THE HOME OF THE—"

"SHUT THE BLOODY FUCK UP ALREADY, ALFRED!"

BAM!

Out came the most gorgeous man I had ever seen (the accent helped), looking as angry as Taylor Swift secretly was at the MTV Music Awards when Kanye West upstaged her. His eyes resembled fury, his hands clenched until his knuckles were white—you get the idea. This was one pissed off motherfucker.

"Alfred, shut the hell up already you fucking Yankee!" He roared, and then noticing the cowering (but admiring) teenager below him, his anger receded.

"Um, hello there." He said, giving a nervous wave. I couldn't help it; I smiled. He furrowed his thick eyebrows at me. "Why are you smiling?"

I giggled, yes, I giggled. Both of the units looked at me strangely. What? Lust Objects did that to you.

"Sorry, it's just…" I tried picking the right words to cover up the fangirl grin. "It's kinda funny how you cursed so openly in front of me."

Arthur blushed, and I forced myself not to squeal. "Oh, right, sorry about that, love." I restrained myself from fainting at 'love'.

I nodded. Alfred chose that moment to smash the friendly atmosphere, yelling, "Dude, Arthur, you gotta check out the channels this chick has! She even has BBC America!"

Arthur's face brightened at that. "Really?" He looked excited, but glanced down at me for permission.

What a gentleman, I thought, swooning, but managed to blurt out "Sure, go ahead" as he raced to the living room couch. Suddenly life didn't seem so bad after all.

Wait a second, did I just jinx myself?

The next few hours I spent reading manuals and deciding what they'd eat for lunch, which would probably turn into dinner the way the clock moved. While sandwiches didn't sound half-bad, I could imagine Alfred flinging mayonnaise across the kitchen just because he could and it was 'heroic'. So I decided take-out pizza would be enough.

I picked up the phone, not hitting me until now if a 14-year-old could even order pizza. Screw that, no way was I gonna let Alfred order, and I had a feeling that Arthur would probably just get confused about the conversions of American dollars to Euro, so I had to do it myself.

"Hey guys," I yelled to Alfred and Arthur as they played Dead Space (my step-dad's) on the X-Box (also his), "what do you want on your pizza?"

"We're having pizza?" Alfred asked, his tongue curled around his teeth as he talked. "I want everything!"

"And I'll have the same," Arthur agreed as one of the giant aliens blew up. "Damn it, Alfred, I was gonna get that one!"

"Sucks for you!" Alfred teased, shouldering Arthur's person into a black hole.

"Why you little-" Arthur began to punch Alfred as Alfred laughed, finding a lone space explorer being sucked up into a giant black hole hilarious.

"Okay, but I'm only getting one pizza!" I said, trying to yell over the two fighting. How France or Canada could put up with them was besides me…even if Arthur was drop-dead hot (Alfred's not bad either).

They either didn't hear me or didn't care, but I went on ordering anyway. By the time the order was done Arthur had made a barricade from the couch pillows between him and Alfred, and I giggled my fangirl giggle silently.

"So when will the pizza be here?" Alfred, as always, ruined my moment of fangirling over Arthur.

"When you stop breaking my mirrors and giving me seven years of bad luck!" I snapped, receiving a curious look from Arthur and a hurt look from Alfred. I ignored Alfred and went on, "It should be here in fifteen minutes."

"You know you're in America when your pizza gets to your place faster than the ambulance," Arthur cackled, and I gave a short laugh before descending into the ever-growing work of house cleaning.

Fifteen minutes later the doorbell rang for the umpteenth time that morning. I glided across the now spotless bathroom floor of my parents' room and opened the door to find a teenager, not much older than me balancing a pizza on his arms. I quickly paid him and dropped the pizza off at the kitchen table, making Alfred bounce gleefully over to it and Arthur walk calmly over, trying very hard to ignore the American as he devoured a piece of pizza. Arthur grabbed a piece and began eating, trying to eat more politely than his younger brother from another mother.

"Are you not going to eat?" He inquired, eating the last of the cheese from a slice of pizza. The pizza was Little Caesar's, and once you ate the cheese off the pizza you usually only got the sauce, which was pretty nasty.

"You didn't eat yesterday either," Alfred pointed out between eating double pizzas.

I shrugged, my stomach growling. "I don't have time to eat with all the work I have to do."

"But the house is totally clean."

I sighed, rubbing my hand across my forehead, "Look, I don't wanna get into eating habits now, okay? Just let me go into my room for some peace and quiet."

Alfred shrugged and kept eating while Arthur gave me one last, hard look before eating another piece before Alfred could get it.

I sunk gladly into the swivel chair in my room and turned my laptop on, humming along to the greeting melody as it did. I swiftly signed into my profile and browsed DA, YouTube, and Mangafox for a couple of hours before falling asleep to the hour long Nyan Cat video.

In my dreams, all I thought of was how cute yet weird Nyan Cat was as the music went through my head and found myself walking (or running, I guess) beside it as I dreamed. And no, I wasn't on acid. Space flew by me in a flash, and I had already seen the Big Dipper seventeen times.

"So Nyan Cat," I asked the eternally smiling cat, "what do you think I should do with these units, or whatever they're called?"

The music went on and I didn't get an answer. I sighed inwardly and vainly kept up with Nyan Cat, whose speeding pace stayed unbearably consistent. I was about to ask again, not caring if I got an answer or not, when the gray cat finally responded:

"I think you already know, Erica. You already know, you already know, you already know, you already-"

"BRO!"

My eyes flipped open to Alfred staring intently-not to mention closely-at me. My face turned red and I stared back, my perverted thoughts coming back at a fast pace. I closed them off and pushed Alfred's head back, rubbing my temples from the minor pain of watching Nyan Cat for a whole hour.

"Dude, you were so knocked out! But anyway Artie wants to know where he's supposed to sleep, even though it's only eight." Alfred informed me, walking side-by-side with me as I walked into the living room trying to find the Brit. I passed by the home phone the way there and stopped dead, Nyan Cat's words ringing in my head. Of course, why hadn't I thought about it before? I picked up one of the manuals, dialed the number on my home phone and walked over to lean against one of the kitchen cabinets.

"_Hello, this is the Flying Mint Bunny Corporation. If you have called to order another unit, press one. If you have called to get a new manual for your current unit, press two. If you have received the wrong unit by mistake and want a replacement, press three_-"

"Hey, um, er…Erica! Where am I supposed to sleep?" Arthur's voice rang out, above the noise of the Flying Mint Bunny Corporation answering machine.

"Sleep in the master bedroom, which is right behind you," I told him, still listening to the caller assistance thing. "Alfred, you're staying in the room next to mine!"

I didn't hear for Arthur's or Alfred's reaction because I had already gotten to the number I wanted. "_If you have called because you didn't order any Hetalia Unit, press nine_." I pressed nine, my patience rapidly decreasing. "_You will be directed to Customer Service_."

"Hello?"

The voice sounded heavily southern. I turned on my business tone and replied, "Yes, I got an Alfred F. Jones unit and an Arthur Kirkland unit when I actually didn't order either, and as much as I love Hetalia I'm not the type who likes to entertain house guests if you know what I mean. So please, if you'd just come by and pick them up, refund whatever you're charging me with for these units, than I won't report you to the FBI." I finished off, my voice becoming dark and menacing.

The southern accented employee seemed a bit fazed by my threat. "A-all right, we'll pick them up tomorrow."

"Thank you-"

"Sorry for the trouble and have a great day!"

"You too-"

A click was heard and the call was dropped. I sighed, massaging my forehead a bit before turning around to make sure none of the units had heard. I didn't see any. Sighing with relief, I sat back on the couch and contemplated what chore I'd have to do next before sleeping. My eyes drifted over to the leftover pizza box, sitting leisurely on the kitchen table. I grunted annoyance and threw it in the trash, wondering how I had gotten so used to this mess already. Then again, some people do adapt well in a crisis.

I went back to the couch and turned the TV on, flinching at the sound of the loud welcome message. It had a nice ring, but if Arthur woke up…sure I liked the guy, but I was no stranger to his temper. Amazingly, the first thing that came up was not a movie on the Wild West, or bromance, or secret spies, what I saw was-

"HOLY SHIT ON A MOTHERFUCKING SANDWICH I SEE PEOPLE FUCKING!"

The images were so lewd, so specific; it was burned into my already somewhat corrupted brain. Why did she do that with her tongue? How did he even reach down there? Where is THAT supposed to be-?

"OH DEAR GOD! ALFRED, ARTHUR, GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

At first there was only silence, and I took that moment to change the channel to a late night showing of Burn Notice. Soon my mom's bedroom door was slammed and out came Arthur, his hair tussled and his eyes ablaze.

"I don't care if you're fourteen," Arthur began, coming menacingly my way, "I'm going to bloody kill you for interrupting my sleep!"

Alfred came out around the same time wiping the sleep out of his eyes. The guy went to sleep fast is all I can say. "What's going on? Did Tony finally appear?" He added in an excited voice.

"No," I said, making Alfred slump in disappointment, "but it's come to my attention that one of you likes to watch pornography on my TV." I put emphasize into pornography and Arthur looked, stunned, over to Alfred.

"You told me that you had changed the channel, you twat!" Arthur fumed, glaring darkly at Alfred.

"Hey, I made a mistake, so what?" Alfred defended nonchalantly, only making Arthur and me angrier.

Then, realizing what was said before, I reached up and abruptly stopped Arthur from pummeling Alfred. I could feel my cheeks flare up but honestly didn't care at the moment.

"Wait, you watched this smut with him?" I asked quietly, my grip slightly tightening on his arm.

Arthur, exasperated and embarrassed, said, "Well, a man sometimes has urges, and well, er…"

I released my grip on his arm. Stepping back, I pointed at the kitchen table.

"Sit. NOW."

They obeyed and sat down. I walked over, my hands behind my back, saying, "Now I know that men have urges, but don't you think releasing those urges through the Playboy Channel is a little bit unorthodox?" No response. "Let me lay down some ground rules: one, don't have sex in the house." Arthur looked at me funny and Alfred looked dejected. "Two, don't watch porn without _asking_ me first. Three, I don't care if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, what have you, just do all the romantic crap somewhere that's NONPUBLIC." This time they both looked at me funny. "Four, remember that if you break any of these rules you will be immediately sent back to your creator. Got it?" No response. "GOT IT?"

"Yes, ma'am," Alfred mumbled.

"Whatever," Arthur spat.

I smiled sweetly. "Good. Now you can back to your wonderful slumber."

Arthur got up and stomped into mom's bedroom, muttering "bloody prick" under his breath. Alfred sighed, gave me a long, puppy-eyed look, and waited. For what exactly?

"Can't I at least do it in the garage? I'm meeting a girl tomorrow and I told her we could use your place-"

"No," I replied, silently wishing the truck would get here as soon as possible tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3: It's a Small Pervert

DING-DONG!

Usually I'd be cursing the world for the interruption of my sleep, but today was different. And by different I mean good, positive, and absolutely refreshing! I rushed out of bed, stepping on Alfred (he snuck in later that night after watching Aliens) and stumbled over to the front door, happily opening it.

What I didn't expect to see was a delivery man with black hair and an Italian moustache prodding a waiver into my stomach.

"And you are?" I asked, the waiver still forced on me.

"Sign." The guy responded impatiently, bringing back the waiver and putting it in front of my face.

I flicked it away. "Look buddy, I don't know what kind of joke you're trying out here, but-"

"SIGN." The waiver hit my face and I puffed out air in surprise.

"What do you think you're doing-?"

He hit me again. I grabbed it, signed it, and threw it back to him, having half a mind to through it on the ground instead.

"There, happy now?"

The guy smiled at me, catching me off guard, and nodded.

Then he plopped a box on my door step.

"Wait a second, I didn't order this! I wanted to give them back! _Give them back_!"

But it was too late, the guy had already hopped into a white van and drove away, leaving me standing flabbergasted at the front door. _Again_.

"Who in the Sam Hill does he think he is?" I asked myself in a ticked off Southern accent. I kicked angrily at the box and heard some curse words. _French_ curse words.

"Oh God no." I whispered, staring fearfully at the potential rapist inside, wondering what to do now.

"What's with the ruckus? You're lucky I was just getting up!" Arthur's British accent floated into the room and I felt instantly comforted. Once a fangirl, always a fangirl. He walked over to where I was and one glance from him told me I was in for the bitching of a lifetime.

Arthur stood behind me, cussing me out as I steadily lifted the flap of the box, my heart beating fast. I felt my hand cover my chest as I did so, and Arthur eventually came closer to see why I was being so quiet.

"Isn't that-"

CRASH!

Francis Bonnefois tumbled out, his wavy blonde hair creating a small wave. At first I thought he would grope me, but then I noticed that he was 90 cm tall. I had gotten Gaul!Francis Bonnefois. He stared at me, his blue eyes staring into mine.

'Hein? Vous n'êtes pas Empire Rome ou Germania! Mais vous êtes type de mignons...quel est votre nom, cutie?' Gaul!Francis asked.

All I heard was 'cutie', and at that I blushed. Gaul!Francis winked at me and my face got even hotter. Wait a second, we're dealing with a 12-year-old Francis hear, what was I getting hot about?

"Can you translate?" I inquired to Arthur, and he nodded. "Okay, then, what did he say?"

"He said, 'Eh? You're not Empire Rome or Germania! But you are kind of cute...what's your name, cutie?'" Arthur reported and grinned evilly at me. "It seems that he likes you. Isn't that simply adorable? How about I leave you two alone-"

"No way, Jose!" I shouted, and Gaul!Francis looked at me in confusion.

'Qui est Jose?' Gaul!Francis inquired, lifting an eyebrow.

"Who is Jose?" Arthur automatically translated.

"He's nobody, just a joke used on a show from the 60's." I explained, and the two units nodded as if they understood.

"So…what are we going to do with him?" I questioned to no one in particular.

"Oh, I have a few ideas…" Arthur replied, cackling with an evil expression. Gaul!Francis cowered beneath his tunic and started shivering, and I glared at Arthur.

"Don't you try anything for revenge or else I'll pull every one of those eyebrows you have out!" I warned, and Arthur glared icily at me before relaxing against the doorway.

"Fine, but right now we, or you, in simplest terms, should find a place for the little prick to sleep because he's certainly not sleeping with me." He said, looking down at the now defiant Gaul!Francis.

'Comme je ne veux pas dormir avec vous de toute façon, sourcils!' Gaul!Francis rebuked, crossing his arms and standing the opposite way of Arthur. I sighed and rubbed my temples, a habit I was sure I wouldn't get rid of soon. I bent down and picked up his manual wondered how good it would do since it wasn't even the right unit. I skimmed the pages while Arthur and Gaul!Francis glared at each other and came to the conclusion that I'd have to have the guy sleep in my bed so he wouldn't sneak off at night. Yay…

"Come on Frenchie, I need to show you were you'll sleep." I said, grabbing the Frenchman's hand and leading him away from the glaring Arthur. Arthur continued to glare at us as we walked to the hallway but I coldly ignored him. I could hear Gaul!Francis gasping at all the new-age machinery in the current century and mentally facepalmed. I'd have to spend the whole day teaching the kid what everything did and what it was, naturally.

Alfred popped out of my room and his already plastered smile widened as he saw the mini Francis.

"Awesome, Gaul!Francis! Finally someone cool came!" He high-fived Gaul!Francis before walking out of my room and made a small smile at me. I returned it and then brought my attention back to Gaul!Francis, who was examining the keyboard in my room.

'Alors c'est la version plus petite d'un piano?' Gaul!Francis inquired, running his hand along the keys.

Assuming he meant 'small' and 'piano', I nodded. "Yeah, I got it a few days ago. Do you want me to plug it in so you can play it?"

"Qui." Gaul!Francis said absentmindedly, and I plugged in the cords and turned it on. Gaul!Francis was too tall to stand level at the piano, so I was about to lift him up when he put a hand in front of me to stop me.

'Je peux l'obtenir sur une chaise par moi-même, je ne suis pas un bébé, petite fille.' Gaul!Francis huffed, seating himself on the swivel chair. He rolled up to the keyboard and stopped at the head, wondering if he could make it go up or not. I gazed at him, amused at how he had no idea how to get the chair up, and bent down once again to push down on the lever to make it go up. Gaul!Francis cried out in surprise but seemed satisfied and started playing Elise 1. I listened, my head bobbing softly up and down at the beat. Before I knew it I nodded off…

'Wow, ce sont plus douces que la plupart des filles que je crois.'

I opened my eyes to see a twelve year old kid touching my boobs. I gasped and slammed my fist down on his head, getting up and standing by the doorway. After a second I realized I had hit Gaul!Francis, the newest member to the all-boys-and-one-girl family. I shivered, trying to suppress the hot temperature in my body. Dirty thoughts ran through my head like usual and I pushed them away quickly.

'Vous ne semblez pas à l'esprit lorsque vous dormiez...en fait, vous gémi lorsque je l'ai fait!' Francis whined, scratching his head. I walked over, concern hitting me in a wave.

"Are you alright?" I asked, leaning down, and felt my vision falter again. Am I alright? I thought, taking my hand and using it to steady myself. Francis took that second to pin me on the bed, and my body began to feel hot again.

'Tu es très beau, vous connaissez?' Francis cooed into my ear, and I felt a prickling sensation. 'Tout ce que vous devez faire c'est dire que le mot et nous pouvons faire l'amour...'

I had no idea what he was saying, but actions spoke louder in words. Gaul!Francis wanted to _do_ me, and as much as I badly wanted to lose my V-Card to a totally hot guy I wasn't so sure about losing it to a twelve year old. Actually, ew.

"Get off me, pervert!" I screamed, and kicked…well…down there. Gaul!Francis let me go and clutched…down there, biting his lip in pain.

'Ma boule française!' Gaul!Francis yelped in pain. I left him to his pain and left the room, feeling a bit more powerful that day.

"Serves him right," I said to myself as I exited the hallway and entered the kitchen. I saw Arthur cooking and waved friendlily at him. Wait a second….

ARTHUR WAS COOKING.

"Um, Arthur?" I asked warily, staring at the potentially deadly meal he was making. "Why are you cooking?"

"Because I won't take another day of your American cuisine," Arthur explained with sarcasm. He held up a wooden spoon and I saw with terror that there was liquid oozing from it and that it was green. "Can you do a taste test for me? I want to make sure it's not under-cooked."

I gagged, steadying myself against the counter. "S-sorry," I stuttered, "but I don't eat."

"Well that's no excuse to pass a home cooked meal." Arthur went on, stepping towards me with the spoon in his hand. "Don't make this harder than it has to be, Erica."

"Oh I will, if it means I won't have to eat that." I pointed in trepidation towards the green slime. Wait, was it _moving_?

Arthur gave me the puppy-dog face and my heart fluttered. I thought, How bad could it be? and started to grab the spoon to taste it when a second thought ran in my head.

_**Girls that are skinny have more friends.**_

I stopped.

_**Girls that are skinny aren't outcasts.**_

I pulled my hand away.

_**Girls that are skinny are funnier, cooler, and hotter.**_

I backed away from Arthur, and saw irritation alight in his eyes.

"Hey, what's with you? Why are your eyes so wide? Just taste the bloody food already!"

_**Did you see Selena Gomez? She's skinny. So is the blonde girl from Glee, and Katy Perry, and Taylor Swift, and-**_

I put my hand to my mouth. I was about to run away when Arthur forced the spoon into my mouth. My tongue tasted it and I ate it as fast as I could, swallowing it with some water. I turned back towards Arthur, who was expectantly waiting for my answer.

"Not bad," I admitted, wiping my mouth with my hand. Arthur's face lit up and he smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen the Brit have. Wait a second-

I HAVE NO TASTE BUDS.

At that random thought, I smiled and started to laugh and doubled-over, clutching my stomach. Arthur's cooking was supposed to be the worst in the world and I couldn't tell the difference between his and a five-star chef's.

I continued laughing and eventually Arthur yelled at me, "What is so bloody funny?"

I sighed, wiping away my tears, and smiled at him. "Your cooking's supposed to be atrocious, and I think it tastes good."

Arthur looked extremely offended but was still confused. "So…?"

"So that means I have no taste buds!" I laughed, not caring if my Lust Object found me insane. Screw him, I needed some comedic relief with all the stuff that had been going on these few days.

"Right-o then…" Arthur said, beginning to cook his goopy meal again. I went over to where he was and turned off the stove, throwing the spoon and pot in the sink.

"What the hell did you do that for, you twit?" Arthur roared, running over to the sink to retrieve his utensils. I grabbed his arm, stopping him, and glared sourly at him.

"I'm not gonna let you poison Gaul!Francis or Alfred," I growled, pushing him away from the sink. Before he could protest I ran the sink and started washing out the pot from the green liquid and poured it all out, flinching when I heard a sizzling sound from the stuff as it went down the drain. Arthur jumped me and tried to turn the faucet away but I blocked him, managing to turn the eradicator on. I heard some choice British curse words but ignored them, watering off the spoon next. Arthur's protests grew louder and I scrubbed harder with the dish soap. Suddenly the spoon slipped out of my hand and went into the eradicator. We both froze, paralyzed, as the sound of breaking wood rang throughout the kitchen. My blood turned cold and I shut it off after the noise died down.

"Do you have another wooden spoon?" Arthur whispered, still clinging onto the running faucet.

"Nope," I answered with a barely audible voice, "I do not."

Arthur stepped back and once I turned around immediately started saying it was my fault, putting all the blame on me. I was too tired to argue with him, honestly, so I took it like a little bitch. When he was done ranting he sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and drank his tea which had magically appeared in his hand when he sat down.

"We'll have to go to Wal-mart to buy a new one," I announced after an uncomfortable moment of silence. "And we also need to buy little Francis some clothes since he's too small to fit into my step dad's stuff."

Arthur nodded in agreement and I continued, "We should go out to eat tonight too. On that note, where's Alfred?"

"He's going out with his date," Arthur said, grinning slightly. "He said she was this super hot chick from New Jersey."

I snickered, knowing that with Alfred it was entirely possible for him to find a tan, big-chested New Jersey girl to go out with in the Sunshine State. Whatever the guy did was no concern of mine as long as he didn't get into prison or bring the car back in shambles. As soon as he got back we'd go out for dinner, but where we went out I didn't have a clue…then again, there was a nice Italian restaurant a few miles from here. Yeah, that'd work. It'd _have_ to work, with Gaul!Francis's tastes.

I paced back and forth, considering all the possibilities. After all that was done, I'd make sure that the Flying Mint Bunny people would take away the cause of my now hectic life. I'd call now, but they'd probably send me a Gilbert unit next, and lord knows I couldn't handle that. One pervert was enough, but two? I'd rather have an Arthur and Romano unit together.

"So, did you really order a Francis unit?" Arthur questioned suddenly, snapping me out of my inner thoughts.

"No," I confessed honestly, coming to sit by him in a kitchen chair. "Actually, I didn't order any of you."

I waited to see how Arthur would react, if he would be pissed off or indifferent. I put my bets on indifferent.

"Is that so? Truthfully, I thought you got Alfred and me for hot yaoi sex, but I guess I was wrong." Arthur said. I shivered at the idea and shook my head.

"No, I'm not into that kind of stuff. I barely even read smut." I clapped my hand over my mouth and saw Arthur's eyes gleam with interest.

"Oh? So the pure, innocent girl you appear to be is not like that at all?" Arthur leaned forward, which would've ticked off any other person, and I'm sure that's what he was going for, but being the fangirl I had to blush and get excited.

"Perhaps you _did_ get us for yaoi, but refuse to admit it because then you'd be embarrassed, right?" Arthur chuckled, pulling back. I felt my heart beat decrease and breathed a small sigh of relief.

"You have false pretenses," I replied, glancing in the direction of the stove clock. 4 pm. Man, where did the day go-oh right, when Gaul!Francis lulled me to sleep and molested me.

Arthur didn't seem to believe me but decided to stop harassing me and got up, leaving his tea cup on the kitchen table. "Put that up, and if you don't mind I'll be in my room."

"Doing what?" I called as he left the kitchen, and he turned back towards me before answering.

"Whatever the bloody hell I want."

I heard a door slam and slumped down, silently cursing the English bastard for being so snobby. He was beginning to remind me of Austria, who was someone I didn't hate, per say, but wasn't fond of either. I did as I was told anyway and washed the tea cup out, taking note that it had a very Victorian style on it. I saw the magic chalk was gone and assumed it had gone away with the unicorn-seeing Arthur.


	4. Chapter 4: Thanks But No Thanks

Soon, after a bit of cleaning to get the house ready for Alfred's girlfriend if she came (a habit taught by my grandmother), I sat down in the beige armchair and took out my phone, reviewing my un-read messages. My friend Amelia had texted me about five times and Brittany had texted me twice as much. I smiled as I read them and inwardly laughed as Brittany became more and more frantic over me not answering. Amelia had just given me a 'forever-farewell' message, thinking I had given up on her. I chose to respond to the last text sent by both of them.

Amelia had sent: Fine if you don't wanna be friends I understand, although it's rude for you not to answer any of my texts. Good-bye, Erica, and have a horrible life.

Ouch. Girls could be so emotional sometimes, I swear…my eyes drifted down to the last one sent by Brittany.

Brittany: If you don't respond to this I'm gonna get a K9 unit from my Dad to find you, okay? Don't worry, I'm coming for you!

That was a bit alarming. And with Brittany, who tended to be a bit eccentric at times, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually did get a pack of dogs and searched for me on the highway. I replied to that first, crossing my fingers in hopes that she had her phone with her.

Don't worry about me, Brit, I'm fine! And I'm chilling' with my fav Hetalia characters, you know the ones 3

I hit send and started to work on Amelia's message.

Hey, you don't need to be so mean! I was just caught up with taking care of Alfred, Arthur, and little Francis…and yes, Francis molested me.

I hit send again and wondered if Amelia would believe me or not. Probably not. Actually, she'd think I was crazy. All I'd need was evidence…but was I technically allowed to let others find out about the units, or were they common knowledge?

'Ce qui est dans votre main, une affaire de couteau? Attendez, vous prévoyez de couper mes boules?' Gaul!Francis asked, coming out of my room and then covering his crotch.

I, of course, had no idea what he was saying, so I went back to reading my messages. For some reason that made Gaul!Francis scream and he ran off into Arthur's room paranoid. I put up my fingers and counted.

1, 2, 3-

"What the-what are you doing here, frog? What are you screaming about? Stop crying and make sense already, twit-"

Then Arthur's hysteric voice faded out, making my curiosity drive me to investigate. I slid stealthily into his room and saw Gaul!Francis cowering in fear as Arthur explained something to him in a sinister tone.

"Hey, stop being creepy already!" I shouted at him, and Arthur looked up at me, grinning wildly. That wasn't a good sign.

"What did you say to him, you pedo?" I demanded, stomping towards him.

Arthur's smile broke. "I'm not a pedo!" He bellowed, seething with annoyance. I came closer and saw Gaul!Francis run away from my direction, his eyes wide in terror. I stopped and turned away from Arthur, walking cautiously towards Gaul!Francis who had backed himself into a corner.

'Please let me go, je suis désolé de ce qui est arrivé juste avant, ne coupez au large de mes boules!' Gaul!Francis whimpered, going into the fetal position. I understood the 'please let me go' part but couldn't grasp what else he had said.

"Arthur, translate for me."

I heard Arthur laugh behind me. "No thank you, I don't _feel_ like it right now. Try asking again later when I _do_ feel like it."

"There's a fine line between smart-ass and plain stupidity, and you're on the borderline of it! Either translate for me or I get Alfred drunk and let him have his way with you." I hissed threateningly.

Arthur was convinced by my strange threat and answered, "Fine, just wait for a second…he said that he was sorry for what he did earlier and begs for you to not cut off his balls." He finished with remorse.

"What?" I gasped, looking doubtfully at Gaul!Francis, who was still in a little ball. "Francis, what would make you think that?"

'Vous étaient aiguiser votre affaire de couteau quand je sors et lorsque j'ai demandé que si vous prévue à couper mes boules vous gardé l'aiguisage!' Gaul!Francis cried out, and Arthur translated, "He said he saw you with your phone, which he thought was a knife case, and thought you planned to cut off his…testicles."

I took out my phone and slipped it up or down (it was one of the touch-screen text-pad models). "See? No knife, just a screen. Put your finger on it, come on, try." Gaul!Francis reached out and pressed the menu button, giggling when the screen changed.

He snatched it from me and played around with it, saying things like 'It's so bright' and 'Everything's moving'. I smiled, thinking that Gaul!Francis had some innocence left in him after all. I left him to play with the thing and got up, dragging Arthur along with me by the collar. He shook and squirmed but couldn't get out of my grasp.

I forced him upon a wall, ignoring the soaring perverted feelings I had locked away deep inside and said to him, "You need to stop harassing Gaul!Francis, kapesh? And on a second note, don't cook in the house, EVER. My situation is already bad enough without worrying about food poisoning."

Arthur smiled at me darkly. "You just think you're such hot shit, don't you?"

I felt a strong burst of air and was thrown against the wall, Arthur pinning me there. "I hate to tell you, but I'm not someone you can just push around and tell what to do, even if I am a unit. I've done gay sex, threesomes, orgies, incest, and hate sex and I REFUSE to lower myself to doing what a 14 year old prick like you wants. I'm tired of it, all of it, to be exact, and I'm not going to let you run over me like I've let all the others, understand?"

His hand had hone up to my throat, and I wondered fleetingly if he planned to choke me to death. The thought frightened me and I nodded frantically as the air in my body stopped circulating. I grabbed his hand and tried to pull it away, but something must've woken inside Arthur, the abuse and harassment from all the other previous owners who had used him purely for sex. His eyes flamed to a black and I saw the pain and damage done to him, all the horrific memories coming to light. I always joked about these kinds of things with my friends, but seeing the victim of being sold as a sex slave really opened my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," I whispered.

Arthur seemed to hear me and his gaze softened, his eyes returning to their original green color. The soft look turned to horror as he saw what he was doing and let me go, and I collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath. I watched as Arthur kept staring at me, backing away slowly in disbelief and then ran away to who knows where.

Getting up, I brushed off the imaginary dust off my pants and glanced around the room for Gaul!Francis and my phone. I spotted him in the same place he had been, still busy playing with my phone.

'Mon, ces dames' belles...' Gaul!Francis muttered, staring intently at my phone. I came over and snatched it up, leading to a loud protest by Gaul!Francis, and studied the screen. On it was a group picture of some naked ladies doing it, they're private areas covered by bubbly soap.

"Disgusting!" I shouted, closing the web off. Gaul!Francis kept yelling at me but I ignored him, my attention on the texts sent by Amelia and Brittany.

Amelia: Wait, you actually have them? I don't believe you, I'm coming over to your house tomorrow with Brittany!

Brittany: I heard from Amelia that you have live Hetalia characters, is that true? Well true or not I'm coming over with her tomorrow to find out!

Shit, shit, shit, SHIT. I did NOT need this right now! I texted them the same message:

Wait, I was only kidding! Don't come over, the house isn't clean and I plan to go to some other friend's house tomorrow!

I sent it, praying they would be convinced. Gaul!Francis was now on the bed, and since the TV was somehow on he was playing with the remote, flicking from a Spanish drama to a game show to a sitcom. His eyes were glued to the screen, transfixed by the wonders of modern technology. I was about to sit down with him to watch Everybody Hates Chris when my cell vibrated, which received a curious glance from Gaul!Francis as I read the new messages.

Amelia: I'm still coming.

Brittany: I'm still coming~

No, no, no, NO-

"Hey, guess who's back and totally wasted?" Alfred's no-doubt drunken voice was heard from the front door and I closed the screen and ran off to see him, Gaul!Francis right behind me.

Alfred was a mess; his white shirt had stains on it, black tie was flipped back, black pants were rolled up un-symmetrically, glasses crooked, and his hair was the same as normal but a bit ruffled.

I stepped on over to him and he automatically hugged me. "Man, you're like, my best friend!" He laughed loudly and I gulped, feeling the constricting bear hug tighten. I cast a desperate, 'help me!' glance at Gaul!Francis but he was too busy looking outside to see if Alfred's NJ girlfriend was out there.

Alfred pumped his fist in the air and kept laughing, finally letting me go when he slumped into a chair.

"Oh man, you wouldn't freaking BELIEVE how much fun I had with Christie," Alfred said, slurring some of his words. Whether he was drunk or flat-out wasted was still being debated.

"Really?" I asked and Alfred nodded, smiling widely. "Well you can tell me all about it when you change your clothes."

Alfred's smile dropped. "But I don't WANNA!" He whined, the spoiled rich kid attitude coming into play.

Okay, I could play that game too. I was about to switch into bitchy mom mode when Arthur's words rang again in my head. You think you're such hot shit, don't you? I paused and instead said, "Never mind, just tell me about it."

Alfred's smile came back on and he continued eagerly, "Okay, so I met the girl and she had huge, gigantic knockers!" Gaul!Francis had joined us. "She had gotten some of her friends to come along and we all went out for drinks and partying, right? Well it was about fifteen minutes into the pool party-did I say there was a pool? Well there was one-that some other chicks started hitting on me. I played it cool, you know, and let them do their talking when suddenly I start making out with one of them. My girl get's pissed off, throws us both off, and we walk around town for a place to drink. Of course, when we do find a bar, they tell us we're not old enough to drink and we get kicked out again. Well, Christie-the girl I was with-decided to call one of her college buddies and start a party of our own. We got to the guys house, got the party started, and after some drinking games we start going at it on his parents' bed. After a bunch of other crazy stuff that I can't remember we got arrested for underage drinking, which kinda sucked, but one of the cops let me and her go after some flirting and we got into your car and parked into some barren parking lot, where we screwed some more, actually, we screwed a lot, and suddenly she said she had to go study for some exam so I dropped her off at her college and came back here." Alfred concluded, panting for breath.

"Cool story, bro," I said coolly, thinking that was probably just a normal day to him. Gaul!Francis was practically bouncing out of his seat from excitement. My phone vibrated again but I ignored it. It kept vibrating, though, and I pulled it up and hit the 'talk' button.

I excused myself and left Gaul!Francis to ask Alfred all the pervy details about his day out on the town.

"Hello?" I asked, looking at the screen and seeing there was no caller-id.

"Are the Alfred F. Jones and Arthur Kirkland units' shipped out?" It was the Southern guy I had talked to yesterday.

"How did you get this number?" I felt a chill up my spine, expecting a creepy reply of 'I got it from watching you'.

"One of your friends, Amelia, gave it to me." The man said, and my paranoia was replaced by irritation.

"She did, did she?"

"Yes, and she told me that you had another unit other than the America and England ones…Francis, I think."

"Gaul!Francis," I corrected sourly, "and I do have all of them here still. How much longer do you want me to babysit?"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, we'll pick them up right away tomorrow."

"No, it'll have to be tomorrow after that since I'm going out of town."

"I see, the day after then. Well, thank you so much for being so patient and have a great day-"

I clicked the 'off' button and sighed angrily, sitting down on the living room couch to cool off. I rubbed my temples and turned on the TV to lessen my anxiety for a few minutes. The show that was on was Law and Order: SVU, and it had just started. I looked down at the clock and saw it read 7 pm. We'd have to leave now to get Gaul!Francis and everyone else fed…

"Okay, everyone!" I announced, quickly turning off the TV and standing up. "We're going to be going to Olive Garden, so go outside and get in the car!"

"Christ, do you have to be so loud?" Arthur snapped, coming out of my room. He came past me and grunted, clearly trying to be distinct about the 'incident' that had happened minutes earlier.

The beeping sound of the alarm sounded and I guessed that Alfred and Gaul!Francis had already left to get in the car. I followed them, grabbing my purse off the counter and passing the mirror without checking how I looked, not really caring. Then again, did I really want to stick out from all the handsome guys going with me? But I could also just stay home and give Arthur the money…no, that would just give way to disaster.

Before we went outside and I shut the door, Arthur stopped me with his hand.

"I…I just wanted to say sorry to you about before," Arthur said, looking apologetically at me.

I smiled at him and replied, "Don't worry about it, we all get a little crazy sometimes, right?"

Arthur laughed shortly. "R-right…"

The car horn honked and I heard Alfred yelling, "Come on already! I'm SUPER hungry!"

Arthur and I both looked at each other, shrugging, and got in the car. Alfred drove, Arthur sat next to him, and me and Gaul!Francis were in the back. Needless to say I put a barrier between us.

"Olive Garden here we come!" Alfred bellowed, turning on the radio to Bruno Mars's 'The Lazy Song'.

"Total mood killer, dude." I said, crossing my arms and grinning.

"Well how about this-" Alfred tuned the radio to Rihanna's 'S&M'. I scoffed as Gaul!Francis's (and no doubt Arthur's) eyebrows went up.

"Okay, then, this-" This time it was Billy Ray Cyrus's-you guessed it-'Achy Breaky Heart'.

"Oh, let's try-"

"JUST DRIVE THE DAMN CAR ALREADY!" Arthur yelled, turning the radio off. Gaul!Francis nodded and Alfred drove out of the driveway, nearly hitting a girl on her bike. Arthur scolded him and Alfred blamed it on the girl, which sparked a heated argument between them.

This was gonna be a long drive…


	5. Chapter 5: Yay, Visitors

To sum up dinner would take two to three chapters, so I'll just take the easy way out and say Alfred was retarded and got kicked out, Gaul!Francis flirted too much with our waitress and I had to put him on my lap (where he tried to grope me), Arthur complained about the service but ate his food anyway, and by eating food I meant drank a hell of a lot of beer. When dinner was finished I paid for it with my dwindling amount of money and we left, picking up Alfred from the McDonald's down the way and giving him the leftovers to eat. We got back around 9 and Arthur automatically went to bed blubbering about how his whole family hated him. I considered comforting him but thought better of it; I wasn't very good with sad, drunken people. Alfred took all the leftovers and staked out in my step dad's room to watch TV non-stop. Gaul!Francis was to sleep with me, which brought us to the present, or Gaul!Francis still trying to make the moves on me.

"I'm gonna change, so go outside and wait." I instructed him strictly, pushing him out of my room.

'Vous êtes certain que vous ne voulez pas me rester autour des aider, maître?' Gaul!Francis asked, resisting me forcing him out.

I didn't understand what he said, of course, but assumed it was something perverted and pushed him out anyway, quickly locking the door after I shut it. I breathed a sigh of relief and changed my clothes, the problem of my friends' coming over tomorrow still stuck in my mind. After I finished I opened the door and let Gaul!Francis in, in which he began his search to find some of my panties and bras. I held him back and dragged his 'special sleeping bed' out. It was complete with a mattress, quilt, and of course holding ropes.

'Qu'est-ce, une sorte d'instrument de torture? Vous attendez-vous m'endormir sur cette chose, parce qu'un de mes goûts refuse de dormir dans quelque chose de tellement sale et étrange!' Gaul!Francis said, looking with dismay at his sleeping arrangements. I sighed and sat on the bed, looking at him at eye level.

"You either sleep here or in the garage," I said, crossing my arms. Gaul!Francis glared at me momentarily but complied, slowly laying down on the strapped bed. I helped him with the wrist straps and stood back, checking to make sure he would be locked up safely for the night.

I walked over to the light switches and turned off all the lights, saying, "Trust me, it's better for it to be like this. You don't want any gangsters capturing and killing you, right?"

I couldn't see his reaction to the last sentence but imagined he was terrified. I settled into my bed and stared up at the ceiling, letting my racing thoughts slow down as I prepared to go into a long-awaited slumber. Eventually I pulled my sheets over my body and faced towards the wall, closing my eyes to another dream, but this time it with Tac Nayn. I shivered as thousands of lifeless skulls flashed by me as I ran side by side with the anti-Nyan Cat.

"Tac Nayn, I need to know what to do about my friends." I shouted above the lemon lime lyrical music.

"Just tell me where that gay Nyan Cat is and I will." Tac Nayn responded with a demonic voice, glaring at me with beady red eyes.

"Er…sure, on the other side of that black hole there." I pointed towards the black hole coming up.

"Thanks weirdo, and stop taking so much acid, you're fucking your mind up." Nayn Cat said, dashing into the portal before I could ask what to do.

I silently cursed the evil version of the cat pop tart abomination, slapping away skulls as I did so.

'Hey girl! Sortir me moi sortir de cette chose de torture déjà!' The French boy's voice broke through my sleep and I opened my eyes sleepily to see Gaul!Francis trying to break out of his strapped over bed. Sights like these were common for me now since the Hetalia units had 'moved in'.

I got up and freed Gaul!Francis who proceeded to brush off his light blue tunic for no apparent reason. He glanced at me for a moment, staring at me to see if I'd try to chop his balls again like yesterday, but after I smiled at him he smiled back and left, leaving me to get ready for the impending doom I was about to face.

I actually chose to look pretty today so I grabbed the navy dress I had gotten from Urban Outfitters and a silver clamp belt I got at New York and Company and fitted it with black high heels. It took me around fifteen minutes to get my hair and make-up done, and I hoped that Alfred, Arthur, and Gaul!Francis didn't wreck the place while I was doing this.

I stepped out of my room quite confidently and paraded myself into the kitchen, looking for the Hetalia units. I heard the loud sound of Alfred laughing and neared Arthur's room, not surprised to find Arthur putting Alfred into a head lock while Gaul!Francis watched Oprah.

"You idiot, don't be so derogatory in the morning! You woke me up, and now I'm going to make you go back to sleep the hard way!" Arthur screamed at the top of his lungs, making Alfred laugh weakly.

"Ha-ha, you wouldn't do that to your little bro!"

"Try me." Arthur growled, about to deal the death punishment when he spotted me. "Excuse me, but if you're looking for Erica, you'll have to go down the hallway and to the left."

I stared at him, shocked that he didn't recognize me. Alfred looked up and flipped Arthur over, making him fall on his back. Gaul!Francis laughed shortly but kept watching the TV.

"Don't listen to that loser over there, how about you and I go get some drinks, huh?" Alfred grinned, leaning against the doorway and touching my chin lightly. I blushed but brushed him away, trying to stop myself from laughing to death.

"Stop flirting with random girls already Alfred, you're not that hot!" Arthur spat, sitting on the floor and nursing his back.

"That's not what you said last night," Alfred smirked, causing Arthur's face to get red.

"S-shut up, fucktard!"

I giggled and finally spoke. "Get yourself ready in five minutes, we'll be going to Wal-mart for clothes for Francis."

The sound of my voice stunned Alfred and he stepped back, clearly embarrassed. "W-wait, is that you, Erica?"

"Amazing what a little make-up and fashion can do to a boring girl, am I right?" I said, slightly laughing as Arthur's mouth cartoon-dropped.

"You're a completely different person," He admitted, giving me an once-over. "Not half-bad, though."

I blushed at my Lust Object complimenting me and thanked him curtly before announcing again, "Since you all seem to be ready we can just go ahead and go."

Alfred and Arthur both shrugged, nodding in agreement. Arthur dragged Gaul!Francis with him as we entered the car and I took the seat next to Gaul!Francis again. I had to remind him many times that it was me, Erica, not some random hot lady, but the assumptions of me being a different person made me feel good inside though, I have to at least admit that.

We bought Gaul!Francis's clothes and the replacement for the wooden spoon without any problems since me and Arthur locked Alfred and Gaul!Francis inside the car. What? They would just cause unwanted trouble. Gaul!Francis frowned at his clothes but accepted them anyway, muttering about how he would change the design when we got back. God, he could sound so freaking preppy sometimes…

While Arthur argued with Alfred over how the Rolling Stones were better than the Beatles (I couldn't contribute since I had little or no knowledge of the subject) my phone vibrated and I pulled it out, stopping myself from gasping in surprise.

Brittany: Lol we're at your house, k?

"Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!" I screamed, which silenced the two units from arguing.

"The fuck's wrong?" Arthur asked, turning back to me with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, did the big super hero who stops global warming take a break?" Alfred said, letting go of the wheel and also looking at me. The car swerved and I screamed again, and Arthur quickly grabbed the wheel and set us back on the road.

"Oi, fucktard, look at the road and stop trying to kill us!"

"Heh, I thought you were trying to do that with your food!" Arthur glared coldly at him and Alfred went back to driving.

"So what's with the outburst?" Arthur continued, sending one last icy glance towards his younger brother.

"My friends' are coming over, and they want to see if you're real…" I sighed, looking unhappily at the text message.

'Donc?' Gaul!Francis's voice came up and I looked up to see him gazing at me with his new clothes still in his hands, confused. 'Beaucoup de gens connaître déjà de notre existence.'

Arthur quickly translated for me.

"I see…" I mused, naturally getting into my thinking position. "So I shouldn't have freaked out, huh?"

Arthur smirked. "Obviously."

I stuck my tongue at him but felt a sense of calm set in. So there wouldn't be a massive scandal then…But why hadn't I heard of them before-oh right, their 'services' weren't exactly noble and prideful. I noticed the light ahead turning red and tapped on Alfred's shoulder.

"Hey, you're supposed to stop, Al."

"No one tells the HERO what to do!" Alfred stroke a hero pose and slammed on the gas pedal. I gripped onto my seatbelt for dear life.

The Hetalia units and I rolled up onto the driveway and I saw my two friends standing near our doorway, talking casually. Alfred and Arthur got out of the car despite my persistent warning, and I silently laughed at the reaction of the otakus as they saw the real America and Britain. Brittany didn't tackle-glomp them, but she did wave her hands back and forth fast. Amelia was too shocked to do anything.

Gaul!Francis followed me out of the car and I laughed as Brittany ran over and hugged him, saying 'kya!' a million times before letting go. Gaul!Francis was disoriented but steadied himself when he saw the largeness of her chest and willingly let her give him another bear hug, grinning like a true pervert.

Meanwhile, Amelia had started talking to Arthur as Alfred stood by, about what I had no idea. I saw with puzzlement that they all started laughing and left Brittany to being secretly molested.

"What's so funny?" I asked, putting my hands in my pockets and looking suspiciously at Amelia.

"Your friend Amelia told me you have a crush…on me!" Arthur chuckled, smiling plainly at me. "Isn't that crazy?"

The blood drained from my face and I gulped, my stomach flipping. Arthur's humorous expression subsided when he saw that I didn't try to correct her.

"You…actually do?" He said, his face one of pure shock. Alfred laughed.

"Aw, that is just HILARIOUS! I had no idea you had a crush on Iggy!" Amelia grinned with him and I looked at her in despair.

"You _told_ them? That's so embarrassing, Amelia! What the hell?" I shouted, balling up my fists.

"It's not like you were keeping it a secret," Amelia replied in her small, high-pitched voice. "By the way, do you guys want to see all the texts that she sent about him? I saved them-"

"No! Delete them, delete them _now_!" I wailed, trying to grab her phone. She was shorter than me but was very good at keep away and hid it behind her back.

"Let me show them the texts! You've probably spent half an hour drooling over him anyways!"

"No I haven't!" I cried out, catching Arthur snickering and Alfred laughing. I turned around and glared at them frostily.

"Get Gaul!Francis and go in the house," I instructed, pointing towards Gaul!Francis as he secretly tried to touch Brittany's chest as she bent down to show him her phone.

Alfred stuck his tongue at me but obeyed, picking up both of the teens and hanging them like towels over his shoulders. He barged into the house, ignoring the complaints from Gaul!Francis and Brittany.

Arthur stood still, crossing his arms in defiance. Amelia glanced at me in puzzlement and I shrugged and walked with her and Arthur into the house, barely remembering to lock the door as we went in.

Brittany was already firing questions at Alfred, and Alfred answered them as quickly as she fired him, happy that he was getting so much attention. Gaul!Francis had gone into my room to 'redesign' the Wal-mart clothes. Amelia and Arthur sat down with them, and they all started talking as if they were long-lost friends.

"Fangirls," I breathed, knowing that they were probably freaking out on the inside on how great it was to be with actual Hetalia characters. Did they know these were just clones, though?

"Is there anything you guys want?" I questioned, turning on my host mode.

"I'd like some water, please," Brittany said politely.

"No thank you." Amelia replied quietly. I got Brittany her water and grabbed an extra chair to sit with them.

"So I was just talking with everyone about how much you _loved_ Brit-Arthur," Amelia said, correcting herself swiftly. I blushed and didn't answer.

"I remember that you had a picture on your phone that you sent me!" Brittany gasped, "Hang on, I think I still have it!"

"You guys are so mean!" I complained, blushing so much my face must've looked like a tomato. Suddenly I got an idea. "By the way, Brittany, are you still looking up yaoi porn?"

Brittany wasn't offended or humiliated. "Mm-hmm."

Damn, it didn't work, although it did make Alfred and Arthur look disgusted. "So do you still look up JapUK?"

"OH MY GAWD YES!" Brittany yelped, smiling like an idiot.

"How could people look at me and Kiku like that? It's obvious we're just friends, and it's disgusting," Arthur defended himself while frowning deeply at the yaoi fangirl.

Brittany wasn't affected by the Brit's harshness. "Oh, and Greece and Japan, and Germany and Italy!"

That thoroughly grossed out Alfred, who backed farther away from her. Brittany was about to continue but I smacked my hand across her mouth. "I think that's enough fangirling for you today, Brittany."

Amelia whispered agreement and Brittany pursued her lips but stayed quiet.

"So are these the real America and Britain?" Amelia finally asked, the curiosity in her eyes burning.

"No, they're units, or clones of the original." I explained to them, which made Amelia's and Brittany's eye widen.

"I didn't know they could do that," Brittany whispered, "is that even legal?"

"Of course," I reassured her, looking at Alfred and Arthur to make sure. They hid their faces from me.

"It's not?" I said, panicking inwardly.

Arthur coughed. "Well, selling clones to people is mainly used for sexual services, you know? So it would technically be illegal…"

"So you're all slaves, then?" Amelia said with horror covering her face.

Arthur didn't answer. Alfred forced a smile and replied loudly, "Yeah, I guess!"

I could tell this was a touchy subject for them so before Amelia or Brittany could ask any more personal questions, I said, "So any movies you wanna watch since you're here?"


	6. Chapter 6: I'm Being Serious

Amelia and Brittany had been my closest anime friends since eighth grade, and it was a small wonder that we were _still _friends. Amelia was still in middle school and Brittany was going to a different high school like all of my other friends, so it would only be a matter of time before we officially separated. Enough of the sad stuff, though, let's talk about who they are.

Amelia had extremely curly brown hair, a baby face, and was much shorter than me and Brittany. She was quiet at school and when we talked eye to eye but was a trustworthy person from what I could gather. In our small game of 'family' she was my daughter while I was her father.

Brittany was…different. Very, _very_ different. But don't get me wrong, it was in a good way. She was a bit shorter than me but taller than Amelia, had wavy, shoulder-length light brown hair and a large chest that was taken from her Mexican genes. She was always excited to see us but got very serious when it came to anything about yaoi or Korean dramas. She had a strange habit of playing around with Amelia's hair. Yes, she was very different indeed, even if it was in a good way. She was the mother and my wife in our 'family' game we made up at the beginning of the third semester.

They both decided on the movie Inception, of course, since I had surround sound, and after Alfred and Arthur left to who-knows-where I slipped back into my usual personality, that being completely perverted and laughing like a pervert after I said something funny.

"We need to go deeper," Leonardo Dicaprio proposed seriously, and I giggled.

"Much, much deeper," I commented, making Brittany laugh and Amelia tell me I'm gross.

"Inception: a dream within a dream," He went on to explain a few scenes over, and I grinned.

"A wet dream within a wet dream: ejaculation," Brittany hollered laughter and Amelia giggled, and all the seriousness of the movie was sapped away.

At the climax (heh) when Leo had to face his deceased wife for the last time Brittany told me her mom had come to pick her up. Amelia and I bid her a sad farewell and she left.

Amelia sat back, watching the movie as she said, "So…you don't plan to get Arthur to like you? Isn't that why you got him?"

I blushed and answered, "I didn't order any of them in the first place, they were sent over to me one after one, day by day."

She straightened herself and stared seriously at me. "Why are they still here, then?"

"They're being picked up tomorrow," I said, my attention on the movie lessening. For some reason saying that made my heart feel heavy. Tomorrow they'd be gone…then what? Would I have to go back to doing nothing and just watching movies and anime?

Amelia seemed to feel my discomfort. "You don't want them to leave, do you?"

I shook my head. "They certainly are a nuisance, but…"

"You've formed a bond with them, a family type deal like with me and Brittany."

"Yeah," I muttered, depression hitting me sharply. "I guess I have."

The sad realization was only worsened because the movie was at the scene where Leo had to let go of his true love to save everyone's lives.

"I should, er, probably go," Amelia pronounced, getting up to leave.

"But you told me you never saw this movie." I pointed out, getting up with her.

She shrugged her shoulders and began to walk to the door. "I lied."

I walked with her, still feeling depressed about how tomorrow I'd lose all the crazy memories I had made with the Hetalia units. I bid her a good-bye and she left with Brittany, who was busy texting some of her other friends that would probably be going to the same school as her. I sighed heavily, waving to them and then closing the door.

Turning off the Playstation 3 and TV I let myself become lost in my thoughts and thought back to my dreams with the pop tart cat.

"I think you already know, Erica."

"Thanks weirdo, and stop taking so much acid, you're fucking your mind up."

I frowned at what they had said, stopping myself from putting away Inception. None of it was inspirational at all, and only confused me more. Hard to believe that Tac Nayn thought I took acid…my vision faltered again and I struggled to stay up, gripping onto the couch nearby the DVD stand. But for some reason everything I saw kept swaying back and forth, looking bright and milky in my mind.

This didn't make sense…how long had I gone without eating again? The Hetalia units always ate without me, and at Olive Garden I had just gotten refills for my water…what was that, four days? So that must mean I was about to faint-

"Hey, dude, wake up!"

"Quiet Alfred, you're going to wake up the whole neighborhood!"

"But she's passed out, man! What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know…we should take her to the hospital, shouldn't we?"

'Attendez, sourcils, elle se réveille!'

I groaned, flicking my eyes open to see Alfred, Arthur and Gaul!Francis standing over me, their faces etched with concern.

'Maître, vous êtes tous droits?'

"Yes, are you well?"

I sighed, trying to get up but fell down. I expected pain to go through my head but noticed that I was laying in Arthur's bed, the sheets spread over me.

"I-I'm fine," I stuttered, my voice hoarse. "I just need food."

Arthur looked at me in shock. "Are you sure? How about I go get a thermometer and check your temperature-"

"Listen," I interrupted, feeling guilty as I spilled out my secret, "I haven't been eating for four days, so I just collapsed from hunger. All I need to feel better is some food, maybe water, and sleep."

The Hetalia units' faces' went from worried to utter shock.

'Comment pourrait ne vous pas manger? C'est le carburant de votre vie!' Gaul!Francis gaped, staring at me in disbelief.

Alfred nodded in agreement. "Yeah, man, that's like the main source of your energy!"

"_**Girls that are skinny have more friends.**_" My eyes went blank as I recited the words of a perfect girl in a perfect society. "_**Girls that are skinny aren't outcasts.**_" The units frowned. "_**Girls that are skinny are funnier, cooler, and hotter.**_" Have you ever seen a fat Cameron Diaz? How about a chubby Miranda Cosgrove?

"Y-yeah, well, that's not always true…" Alfred laughed nervously, and then waved a hand in front of me to get me out of the trance.

"Snap out of it!" I blinked and came back to reality, the images of skinny and obese girls disappearing as quickly as they appeared.

"I-I'll go and get the food," Arthur offered, quickly leaving and going into the kitchen. Gaul!Francis followed after him, casting one last pitiful glance at me.

I looked away, saying to myself, Sympathy is not something I want, this is _my_ problem, and no one else needs to get involved-

I felt sudden warmth as Alfred gave me one of his bear hugs and I held back tears. I tried to push him away but he held on, and eventually I let the tears come out silently.

"You shouldn't worry about what other people think," He told me after a while, letting go and sitting on the bed, smiling at me. "If they don't like you, that's their problem."

I was about to retort but found I couldn't come up with anything. I simply nodded, softly smiling at him and tasting a salty tear. Alfred wiped it away, which surprised me, and kept his hand on my cheek.

"Your looks don't change who you are."

I could only nod as he comforted me, feeling myself blush and my heart beat as he smiled. Heart fluttering, I barely noticed as Arthur and Gaul!Francis re-entered the room with a tray full of pieces of toast, Jell-O, and milk. Alfred swiftly went away from me and got off the bed.

'Oh, dérange, vous pouvez continuer.' Gaul!Francis smirked, and Arthur translated it for me with the same expression.

I blushed deeply, replying defensively, "We weren't doing anything! Right, Alfred?" I added, looking up and expecting to see the grinning American agreeing with me.

He kept his face hidden away and said quietly, "Yeah…"

Arthur gazed suspiciously at us but set the tray of food next to me on the bed anyway. "These won't be hard on your stomach, since they're easy to digest. Eat up and tell us how you became…anorexic." He finished accurately.

I drank some of the milk and replied, "During the eighth grade, I went through a lot of changes. Suddenly I had a big interest in clothes, hung out with my friends more than I studied, and got into the romance of dating." Arthur nodded as if he understood, Gaul!Francis was confused, and Alfred had returned to his happy-go-lucky self and was grinning at me.

"Because of this, however, I became more aware of how I looked. One of my friends, Tammy, started complaining to me and my other friend, Susie, about how fat she was and how she had started training and dieting. She actually wasn't fat at all, but insisted she was so we backed her up with her decision. For some reason that got me into thinking that I wasn't skinny too, but normal and that after my teenage years I'd be overweight. I looked at the cover of magazines and saw super pretty girls who looked skinny and had the best bodies. I told myself they were digitally enhanced but the image and thoughts of that still clung onto me. I noticed that all the popular people at my school were much skinnier than I was, and some of them were even taller than me, so I decided to cut down on eating. At first my stomach hurt like crazy and I got constipated a lot, but after a few weeks my stomach was trained to eat anytime I wanted to, even not to eat at all. I started by eating only two meals a day, then one, then one day, and then two days…it was easy since I wasn't a very physical person anyways. My friends kept telling me to stop but I ignored them, always reaching for the goal of a perfect body…" I trailed off, remembering how many fights I had with my friends about it. Luckily it didn't affect our friendship

After I finished we all sat in silence, the units letting my story sink in. I sat in the bed awkwardly, waiting to hear them criticize me for how stupid I was.

Instead I heard something completely different. "So what are you going to do now? Keep fasting and faint and risk your health?" Arthur asked.

I stared at him in astonishment. That was the one question I didn't expect. "I-I don't know."

Arthur put his hand to his chin thoughtfully. "To tell you the truth, Erica, I think you already know."

My eyes widened as he said that. "W-wait, what?" Was that what Nyan Cat's words meant-

"You know what he means," Gaul!Francis said, surprising me as he talked in plain English. "Stop this anorexic business, because it's fucking your body up."

Before I could ask him or Arthur if they had heard of Nyan Cat or Tac Nayn before, Alfred cut in energetically, "Totally! Come on, we're not gonna let our master starve!"

I smiled at that. I took a bite out of one the pieces of toast and relished in its delicious taste. I swallowed it and said, "Well I guess that would mean this is my first of three meals today, right?"

Alfred cheered, giving Gaul!Francis a high-five, and Arthur smiled at me.

"Good job, master."

The rest of the day went by in a blur: Arthur decided he would apply to be a police officer, which was one of his career choices in the manual (which was ironically under pole dancer), Gaul!Francis went back to re-designing his clothes (he asked to do mine, and after so much begging I finally agreed), and Alfred found my step dad's grill in the garage and announced he was going to clean it and grill hamburgers for everyone. I was left with the duty of preparing the meat.

I nibbled on the last piece of toast, reminding myself that I'd have to go to the grocery store later. I learned how to prepare the burger meat from my mom whenever my step dad would fire up the grill. Draining the blood, my mind went to me being in a slaughter house in Russia, draining the blood from a dead moose. I giggled at the thought of Russia slicing away at it, smiling creepily as he did so and laughing. China was in the background, struggling with the locked doors.

After a while I was finally done, counting one burger for me, two for Arthur, two for Gaul!Francis and five for Alfred. I got the meat from the fridge in the meat holder, where they had been left sad and alone in the cold.

I went outside, carrying the un-grilled burgers with me, and spotted Alfred making final adjustments to the old grill. Once he spotted me he lifted up his head and smiled widely, causing my heart to skip.

"Alright, the meat is here! Just give them to me and I'll start cooking them right away," Alfred said, taking the glass tray from me. Grateful for the sudden change from big idiot to helpful, normal guy, I grinned at him. He smiled back and I felt my face heat up.

"Well, I'm gonna go and make the, er, fries now." I sputtered, excusing myself. I practically ran inside and leaned against a wall, breathing hard. What in the world was wrong with me?

The ding from the stove told me it had pre-heated and was at 365 degrees, the perfect temperature to cook string-cut potatoes. I pulled out the bag from the freezer, laid them all out on a non-stick pan, and placed it inside the stove with an oven mitt covering my hand. I set the time for it to cook and sat down, drinking water as I did so. My eyes grew heavy and I set my head softly on the table, regretting that it was so hard but not really caring. Soon I drifted into another dream…

'Maîtriser, ouvrez vos yeux! Je veux vous permet de voir vos habits neufs!' Gaul!Francis's voice woke me up from my dream and I rubbed my head as he led me into my room. Normally I would think that he would bring me in there to have sex with me, but the tactic he seemed to be using would be too obvious for that so I followed without protest.

When we got in my room I gasped at the re-design of my clothes.

"They're-they're amazing!" My old shirts that were too small for me had been re-sized (I wonder where he got the measurements), my pants stitched up, my dresses flattened. I gazed in delightful wonder at my new wardrobe, extremely grateful to the little Frenchie.

Gaul!Francis was busy showing me his new clothes and I complimented him on every one. Sure the guy was girly, but he sure knew how to handle clothe.

The sound of the alarm broke me and Gaul!Francis's away from our admiring and I hurried with him to see who it was. Alfred joined us from outside as we swept past the family room.

Standing in the doorway was Arthur, completely dressed in a police uniform, twirling a pair of handcuffs in his hand. He was leaning against the doorway and smiling, holding the bachelor's degree to be a policeman in his hand.

"So," he said, smirking, "who wants to be my first arrest?"

I fainted right there.

After I woke up, I got my food and sat down on the couch. I saw Arthur (who had taken off his uniform, respectively) and Gaul!Francis fighting over hamburgers, Arthur barking insults at him in French. I remembered Arthur in his policeman and fangirled, getting unnecessary mocking from Alfred, who had taken a seat next to me to eat his third burger.

"Wow, you fangirled more than one of those Justin Bieber fans at his concerts!" Alfred hooted with his food still in his mouth.

"Shut up," I simply replied, taking a vicious bite into my burger.

"Honestly, I don't see what you see in him, other than him blushing when I-"

"That's all I need to hear, Al," I interrupted, not wanting to satisfy the yaoi fangirls. "And what I like about Arthur is none of your business."

"None of my business, huh," Alfred repeated sneeringly, surprising me.

"What crawled in your ass and died?" I asked, snapping Alfred out of his serious mode by laughing.

"I don't know; probably one of Arthur's scones!" We both laughed at that, and the feuding units ahead of us stopped fighting.

"Why, look at the happy couple," Arthur said, grinning evilly at us. Gaul!Francis chuckled, saying, 'Elles étaient destinées à une autre. '

I suppressed the urge to blush and rebuked, "Come on, guys, it's obvious that we're not together!"

"Yeah, she's just my master, is all," Alfred added plainly, taking another bite of his food, "And besides, I already have a super hot girlfriend."

"Don't chew with your mouth full," Arthur scolded Alfred, and he chewed louder. Arthur looked like he was about to blow a gasket but calmed himself down. "What happened to her anyway?"

Alfred gulped and replied, "We're on for a date tomorrow at her place."

'Puis-je entrer?' Gaul!Francis asked eagerly.

"Heck no!" Alfred scoffed.

Gaul!Francis pursued his lip and stared desperately at me so I could get Alfred to let him go, making his cuteness show. I resisted the strong urge to glomp him and looked away, eating my hamburger silently.

Alfred ate the rest of the fifth hamburger and announced, "Okay, who's ready for the pool?"

"We have a pool?" Arthur inquired, his eyes widening.

"Yes, we do," I said, sighing.


	7. Chapter 7: Pool Party

I put on my bikini and looked at my reflection, sighing unhappily. "Good-bye, bikini body."

The sound of splashing and laughing told me that Alfred was already in the pool. I walked outside, towel over my shoulder, and saw Alfred tackle-glomping Arthur in the pool. Arthur let out a short curse word before going underwater. Gaul!Francis was busy playing with the floaties in the pool, jamming them against each other and grinning as they collided. I pushed down wanting to throw up and went slickly down the steps, careful not to get in-between Alfred and Arthur's water war.

"Ha-ha, I got you, Artie!" Alfred cheered, laughing as Arthur's face was hit with water.

"For the last time that's not my name, you dolt!" Arthur retorted, splashing water onto Alfred's face. Alfred spit it out and said seriously, "Oh, it's on."

I giggled as they hit each other with water and took the basketball from the water-basketball set, standing back and shooting. It missed and I cursed my poor coordination.

"Hey, I wanna try that!" Alfred hollered, ignoring the massive wave from Arthur that hit him as he said that.

I shrugged and handed him the ball. "It's all yours."

He grabbed it, went into shooting position, then ran up to the net and dunked it.

"Ta-da! Clear shot!" He said, striking a heroic pose.

I froze, unsure of what to say. Arthur answered for me. "You didn't make it in, you dunked it! What is that, one point?"

Alfred crossed his arms and pouted, "You're just jealous because you can't dunk like I can."

"That's a bunch of shit and you know it," Arthur snapped, glaring at him. I backed up, knowing what Alfred would say next.

"I challenge you to a game of basketball, one on one!" Alfred said, holding the ball up in the air like the Statue of Liberty's torch.

"I accept!" Arthur swam next to Alfred and glanced towards me. "You'll be the referee."

I was about to decline when a sudden thought hit me: What the hell? Make the most of your last night with them. I inwardly giggled at 'last night' and nodded, taking the position I saw referee's take during a game.

"Okay, 1, 2…3!" I threw the ball up in the air and jumped back to not get hit by Alfred or Arthur as they reached for the ball. The sight of the two guys jumping up, wearing only trunks, to grab some inflatable basketball was awe-inspiring. Gaul!Francis had lost interest in his floaty toys and had come to sit on one of the steps while the two head-strong men played.

'Ah, le spectacle des deux hommes moitiés nues disputent un ballon est impressionnant, ne?' Gaul!Francis swooned, looking longingly at the pair of units.

"Can you just talk in English? I know you can," I said, debating whether a tackle-glomp should count as a foul or not.

"Fine." Gaul!Francis sighed, his accent still heavy. "So when do you plan to send us back, mademoiselle?"

I didn't look at him. "I don't know, I'm still wondering whether or not they'll send another unit that I don't want."

"You mean you didn't order us in the first place?" Gaul!Francis asked with stunned eyes.

"W-well yes…" I murmured, trailing off. "You're supposed to be picked up tomorrow actually."

"So we're that much of a nuisance, yes?" He glared at me. "We're just some silly prick in your back that you want to get rid of."

I felt the awkward set in and explained quickly, "You aren't a prick, Francis, none of you are. But my parents will be coming home soon, and if something happens to any of you or I get too attached and keep you and have to work to pay the money off, I don't know what I'd do. Please understand that this is for everyone's benefit."

Gaul!Francis looked like he was about to protest, but after listening to me grew eerily silent. Then he said, "Just make sure that I get all of my clothes to take with me." and left, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.

I stared at him as he left for a few seconds before hearing Alfred declare, "I WIN! HA-HA, JUST LIKE THE REVOLUTION, EH ARTHUR?"

"Shut up, that wasn't even you!" Arthur yelled, chasing Alfred as he whooshed past me and got out of the pool. He grabbed his towel, stuck his tongue out at Arthur and then dashed inside.

"Damn it all, Alfred!" Arthur breathed, catching his breath by the steps and looking at me. "Are you going to get out?"

I blinked, blushing at the sight of my Lust Object in nothing but a swimsuit and dripping wet with water.

"Well, are you?" He repeated, looking slightly frustrated.

"What?" I asked, bringing myself back to reality. "Oh, yeah, I guess."

He looked like he was about to taunt me about how I spaced out but was interrupted when Alfred yelled, "Looks like the old man can't catch up to me, the hero!"

Arthur's gaze darkened as he hissed, "I'm going to fucking _kill him_." He dashed inside, barely remembering to grab his towel.

I went in after him to make sure nothing was broken while they fought. Water fights were water fights, but a sibling fight could tear a house apart. I made my way into Arthur's bedroom, following where the screaming and laughing was coming from, and saw the same scene I had seen since this morning; Alfred was gasping for breath as Arthur held him down in a headlock, bathing suit edition.

Arthur's eyes reflected fury as he pressed the bumbling idiot to the ground, threatening him non-stop. Alfred played along, whining how Arthur was mean and was a bad brother. I stood at the light switches.

FLICK-FLICK-FLICK-FLICK-FLICK!

"Alright, we get it already!" Both of them said. Arthur let go of Alfred, who tumbled onto the ground and grinned sweetly at me.

"'Sup…" He waved nervously.

I sighed, "Look, I'm too tired to deal with you two right now, so I'll just take Alfred with me and get out of your way."

Arthur nodded, smiling at the fact that I didn't order him around anymore. I guess we had mutual respect…? Maybe, but I didn't take long to think about it as I forced Alfred out of the room.

"Hey, we were just having fun!" He whined as I pushed his back forward for him to move. I stopped and stared at him in disbelief, shaking my head.

"When do you have your date with Christie again?" I asked, surprised that I knew her name and even more surprised that the sound of it made my heart hurt and my anger rise.

"Oh." He replied, and his smile disappeared. "Actually, I'm not going on a date with her. It was a one-day deal, you know?"

"So you lied just to sound cool, huh?" I said while crossing my arms but feeling secretly pleased on the inside.

"Yeah…" He trailed off, scratching his head. Then his expression changed to one of confusion. "Wait, why do you care?"

"W-well, it's not like I don't care about you or anything, I mean I do-not like that!" I blushed as Alfred's face turned into understanding then back to puzzlement. "It's just that I…I…"

Saying it was harder than I thought, it was _so_ much easier inside my head. I was about to finish when Alfred put his fingers on my lips.

"Don't say it; I already know, and I feel the same." He whispered seriously, and my heart skipped a thousand beats. "I…I love me too!" He laughed, and my heart stopped and started breathing fire.

"What?" I cried out while my feelings burned away.

"Then again, who wouldn't love me? I'm awesome, I'm the hero, AND I make epic hamburgers!" He laughed loudly, clearly not reading the atmosphere like usual.

"You egotistical, idiotic, self-centered, uncaring dumbass!" I screamed, forgetting all about telling him he was leaving tomorrow and I'd never see him again. I ran away, feeling more angry than I thought possible with the moron.

"Miss, are you all right-?" Gaul!Francis me asked as I stormed into my room. I didn't answer but simply told him to get out so I could change. He obliged, thankfully, and by the time he had come back in I was ready for bed and ready to say good-bye to the Hetalia units for good.


	8. Chapter 8: Message From My Mom

"Vodka solves everything, even a murder case." The low, hoarse sound of a detective could be heard from the television. It was a midday showing of a show-you've-probably-never-heard-of (imagine the hipster cat sign) and I watched it with little or no attention, too preoccupied with the situation at hand.

Yes, the mention of vodka makes you think of Russia, but it's not what you-

BAM!

-is used in other places too; maybe we got a Lithuania unit, or even a Germany one-

CRASH!

Ah, screw it. Yes, Ivan Braginski, aka Russia was the new un-paying tenant in my house. He had been here for only a few days and most of the money I had left went to vodka to satisfy him and keep him calm, bringing all my savings down to a measly twenty dollars. I prayed that Arthur got his check soon and planned to make Alfred get a job.

"Come back here, you evil Commie!" Alfred yelled from across the room, his voice angry rather than the usual happy-go-lucky.

More smashing and crashing was heard as Alfred ran towards Ivan, holding a…wooden spoon…in his hands. I instantly got up and attempted to stop Alfred, who was sparing with Ivan's water pipe with the newly bought wooden spoon, but couldn't do it without getting hit.

"Oh, really?" Ivan's Russian accent emphasized the word 'really', "then why is there a group for pro-Communism in YOUR nation?"

Alfred blocked Ivan's water pipe before answering, "Freedom of speech, you cold-blooded killer!"

He swung at Ivan and Ivan dodged, making the spoon attack a vase instead. The two feuding units didn't notice and kept fighting, water pipe and wooden spoon in hand. I screamed at them to stop but they ignored me, Alfred and Ivan too ready to settle an old grudge to listen. I stepped back before a blow from the pipe could get me and contemplated my choices. After a few seconds of speedy thinking I decided I would have to-

"GLOMP ATTACK!" I yelled, tackling Alfred just as he was about to destroy the wall. I heard a grunt of surprise and found myself laying on him, my hand gripping the spoon and trying to pull it from him.

"What do you think you're doing? We're trying to have a duel here!" Alfred complained, trying to get me off him. I got the strength to take away the spoon and held it firmly in my hand, still crouching above him.

"I don't care if you two are going to fight over what's right or wrong, but please do it outside where there are less expensive things to be broken," I said, looking at Alfred and Ivan. Ivan had put his weapon down on the dining table and was drinking a convenient bottle of vodka calmly.

"Fine," Alfred agreed, frowning, "now can you get off me?"

I blushed and lifted myself up, letting the American go. "Y-yeah, sorry."

Alfred grinned and said, "Aw, are you still in love with me? I thought you only had eyes for Arthur!" He laughed and my face became a deeper red.

"I'm not in love with you!" I replied angrily, turning my head to look away. Great, now Ivan was staring at me. He was also smiling and chuckling. Creepy.

"I didn't know that Alfred had an admirer." Ivan commented, still smiling at me in a creepy fashion.

"Yeah, she confessed to me last night-" I smacked my hand against his to keep him quiet and sighed.

"I didn't confess to you, okay? I just wanted to tell you…" The words were clogged in my throat. I cleared it and continued, "that you all were supposed to be picked up this morning."

I looked up to see Alfred's sad face and instantly felt guilty. "Wha-already? That's so unfair! I haven't even finished Dead Space yet!" He cried, becoming frantic.

"So you didn't order me, da?" Russia asked and I nodded quickly.

"I didn't order anyone." I explained hastily, feeling the bottled up anger I felt inside start to come out.

"Then why would they keep sending you more of us?"

I shrugged and began to drag Alfred with me somewhere private where we could discuss him getting a job. "If I knew, I would've already fixed the problem." Alfred let out some loud protests but I ignored him and led him into my mom's room, shutting the door behind us.

Alfred yanked himself away from me and grimaced at his arm. "Man, you have some sort of iron-death grip going on!"

I got him to sit on the bed and declared, "You'll need to get a job tomorrow, alright? I have virtually no money left and with no money there happens to be no food."

He cringed at the last part but crossed his arms. "No way, Jose! Just make Ivan get one, he's supposed to be a good sports guy!"

I mused over it, thinking about how Alfred's suggestion could actually come into play. "I guess…or…"

Or what? I thought, wondering what else the Russian could do. Bodyguard would be a good idea, but I didn't know anyone that could pay well…and drinker? That might work, if we were in Las Vegas.

I shook my head. "No, that just wouldn't work. Look, I'll help you get a job with Arthur as a policeman…"

Alfred gazed up at me with puppy-dog eyes, and I coldly ignored the look. Forcing a smile I said vibrantly, "What better way to be the hero than to help defend justice and all that is good?"

"Y-you're right…I will be the HERO!" He struck a pose, barely punching me with the fist pump.

"You sure will…" I muttered, leaving Alfred in that room to brag about how much of a badass policeman he would be. Ivan, still in the living room, had turned on the TV and was watching 300 with a big smile on his face and a bottle of vodka in his hand. I suppressed a shiver and moved on into my room where I found Gaul!Francis playing the piano as Arthur taught him. It sounded peaceful, right? Well I hate to burst the happy-sounding moment but it wasn't.

"No, no, no, you git, you press F# then C!" Arthur scolded as Gaul!Francis played notes on the keyboard. He pushed the boy to the side and hit the notes, making Gaul!Francis do the same after him.

Gaul!Francis flicked his hand away at Arthur. "I shouldn't have asked you to teach me in the first place, you mean jerk! Why aren't you at your job?"

Arthur sighed and sat back down on the bed, not noticing that I was standing in the doorway. "I have the day off, and I'm sorry. Now just repeat what I just taught you and I'll leave."

Gaul!Francis muttered 'bossy demon' under his breath but played, the notes on the rhythm and consistent with the tempo. I listened to the soft sound, grateful for tranquility for once. When he was done Arthur nodded at him.

"Good, you got it right for once." Gaul!Francis glared at him.

I stepped in, saying, "That wasn't half bad for a twelve year old."

Gaul!Francis smiled at that, leaning over the swivel chair. "Oh, there are many things that would surprise you about me, mademoiselle." He remarked flirtatiously, winking. I blushed but laughed as he toppled over the chair and went face-first onto the floor.

Arthur laughed with me and my heart raced as his gentle chuckle filled my ears. Gaul!Francis got up and looked like he was about to yell some choice words at us, but upon realizing what had just happened he joined in too.

The blissful moment was ruined by the vibration of my phone. Gaul!Francis squeaked and hid behind Arthur and Arthur stared curiously at my pocket. I picked up the phone and answered it, recoiling at the sound of my mother.

"Hey Erica! We're in Las Vegas right now and we want you to come, okay? I'm gonna get your cousin to drive you to the airport so you can, so pack your stuff and print out your boarding pass, we'll be seeing you in three days, bye!" Her quick voice didn't let me protest and I stood, shell-shocked, as she swiftly ended the call as fast as she probably made it.

Las Vegas. They wanted me to go to _Las Vegas_, the gambling capital of the world. Why? No really, _why_? How did mom get my step-dad drunk enough to agree to that? What was I supposed to do with the units, take them with me? Actually…

I imagined my eyeballs turned into dollar signs as I turned towards Arthur and Gaul!Francis. They both looked at me quizzically and I said, "Go into the family room, I need to say something important."

I walked out without seeing whether they would or not and ran into Arthur's room to get Alfred. He was busy playing around in Arthur's policeman uniform, taking dramatic poses with an imaginary gun in his hand. I blushed at the sight of him wearing the thing, cursing myself for finding him attractive. When he saw me come in he pointed the make-believe gun at me.

"Don't come any closer and put your hands up or the Hero will shoot you!"

I wanted to yell at him about how a nineteen-year-old was too old to do role-play but was in too much of a hurry to go against him. I sighed and brought my hands up, delighting Alfred as he came over to me with the imaginary gun still pointed at me.

"So what are you gonna do now, officer?" I teased, smirking.

Alfred frowned. "I don't know yet, I haven't gotten that far."

I mentally facepalmed and said, "Well you can figure it out later because we have a family meeting."

He smiled and struck another heroic pose. "The Hero is going into the…" He waited.

"Family room," I pointed out.

"The family room!" He bellowed, racing outside. I wondered how Arthur would react when he saw Alfred in his uniform and smiled, knowing that he'd probably start yelling at him for putting it on.

I told Ivan about the meeting and he simply stared at me, the aura of all that is evil and unholy surrounding him.

"But I haven't finished this movie yet, how about I finish it then go to the meeting, da?" He offered, smiling very ominously at me. Scared for my life I agreed that it was a good idea and left him to his blood and gore.

I saw with relief that everybody was in the family room, lounging around on the couch and chairs. Alfred had started talking to Gaul!Francis about Christie again and I wondered how long he'd keep that act up. Arthur was sipping his tea quietly on another couch, looking out the screen doors. I stood in front of the flat-screen and cleared my throat, getting everyone's attention.

"Okay everybody, big news!" I announced loudly, letting the excitement flow over my words, "My mom just called and told me that I'm going to Las Vegas, and you're coming with me!"

Silence. I waited for Alfred to celebrate and Gaul!Francis to do a fist pump but they only sat there quietly.

"Didn't you hear me? We're going to Las Vegas, baby!" I threw up my hands in added effect.

Still no response from them.

I sighed, "What's with you guys? You should be jumping around and celebrating, not-"

"It sounds suspicious to me." Arthur called out, and Gaul!Francis nodded.

"Suspicious? Why would you think that?" I chuckled nervously, trying to make sense of what they were saying.

"I'm not trying to make it seem like we don't want to go, but dude, why would _your mom_ invite you to _Las Vegas_?" Alfred said, his voice serious and rational. "It just…doesn't make much sense."

I rubbed my temples together, a bad habit of mine, saying, "So you don't want to go and you don't want me to go either?"

They all nodded.

I felt the little spoiled kid inside me squirm. "Well I don't care what you say because I'll be leaving in three days to meet them, so I need to start packing. Family meeting dismissed!" I declared, stomping off into my room. Why would they think that was suspicious? It was clearly my mom's voice on the phone…Did the Mint Flying Bunny Corporation want me to die or something so I wouldn't complain about bad service?

I pushed my sudden paranoid thought away and closed the door, looking around the room for my suitcase. I found it lying under my still-broken beauty mirror and heaved it on the bed, making sure to note that I'd have to buy a new one soon with the money we would hopefully get at Las Vegas. I started packing, putting my new re-designed shirts in with jeans and shorts.

After I was done packing for what I thought would be a two-day trip I sunk into my swivel chair, adjusted the height, and went on the internet for a while.

A while turned into hours because when I looked at the clock I saw three hours had passed. I blinked in surprise, turned my laptop off and hurried out to see if anything was broken or destroyed. I found Gaul!Francis running around with a magazine in his hand being chased by Alfred, Arthur trying to cook and Ivan…well, I just assumed he had run off to find a Lithuania unit. Or run away from a Belarus unit. Whichever came first.

Gaul!Francis tripped over Mikey and the magazine flew from his hand and landed straight on my face. I puffed out air in surprise and peeled it off, not really bewildered to find a porno magazine in my hand.

"Er…that's not mine." Alfred stated nervously as Gaul!Francis retreated into the kitchen corner, a few feet away from the monstrosity that Arthur was making.

I grinned evilly at him, making him flinch, and replied, "Of course it's not, which is why I'm going to do this." I ripped it down the middle, making Alfred sob as Miss Hotness was split into two.

"No, that's the only one I have!" He cried, grabbing it and looking sorrowfully at the destroyed booklet.

"Then go screw Christie more!" I yelled. "You've done so many things with here lately, haven't you? Or were you lying about it after you first did her?"

That shut Alfred up. He sniffed and retorted, "At least I'm not some virgin who gets all hot for a guy twice her age."

I blushed deeply but shook the fuzzy feelings away. "Sorry if I have a crush, but at least mine last!"

Arthur put his hand on my shoulder, magically appearing from the kitchen. His eyes were calm, which in turn calmed me down, and I instantly felt guilty about what I said.

"Alfred, I'm sorry…" I started, coming toward him. He held his hand up, halting me, his expression unreadable.

"You don't need to say anything; it's true, isn't it?" Alfred laughed shortly, making me feel worse. "Every person I've been with I end everything two days later, isn't that funny?"

"Al-"

"If you need me I'll be applying for the job of being a policeman. I'm burrowing your car for a bit so bye." He left swiftly after that, and I tried to follow him but Arthur stopped me.

"Just let him go for now," he told me. "He can take care of himself."

I wondered if he was referring to the American Revolution, but nodded sadly anyway. "I didn't mean to…"

He smiled kindly at me, making my heart beat faster than normal. "I know."

On that awkward note I helped Arthur clean up his cooking which had exploded while the drama was happening. I spent the rest of the day worrying about Alfred and Ivan and trying to keep Gaul!Francis from jacking off. Arthur retired into his room, probably sulking still over the Revolution. Ivan came back that night, his face full of fear. I offered him to stay in my room and he shook his head.

"It doesn't matter where I go, she always finds me…" He whispered, looking more and more terrified. I cringed at how frightening Belarus must be if she could scare the guy who watched 300 smiling and turn him into…well, this.

"Stay here," I instructed him, leaving him to stand alone in the living room. I went outside and picked a few sunflowers from our small garden that surrounded the entrance outside and came back, holding them in my hands.

I handed it to him and Ivan smiled at me. Not the creepy smile, the childlike innocence smile. I couldn't help but smile back, happy that the sunflowers had cured him of his shock.

"Thank you, miss," He said, the Russian accent making it hard to understand. "Would you like to become one with me?"

"No thank you." I quickly declined, not wanting to find out what that meant. I glanced at the clock and saw it was 10 pm. "By the way, did you happen to see Alfred anywhere?"

Ivan shook his head. "No, I didn't see that guy." I was about to say something else but stopped myself, seeing that he was enthused with playing with the petals of one of the sunflowers. I took it that he'd just sleep in Alfred's room and left him, feeling tremendously tired.

I strapped Gaul!Francis to the bed quickly and laid down, my head still worrying over where Alfred was. I forced myself to sleep but it didn't come, and when I glanced down at my bedside clock I saw it was already midnight. I wiped my eyes, cursing myself for not falling asleep.

"Every person I've been with I end everything two days later, isn't that funny?"

I felt guilty about that. Why did I have to say the wrong things all the time? All I did was hurt Alfred, that's all; I was never nice to him…

Wait, didn't I know a Christie? Wasn't Christie my cousin, who was in college and always hung around frat boys and went to parties and hooked up with random strangers-

It was a long shot, but I would take a chance on it. I got up, tiptoed around Gaul!Francis to not wake him up, and left the room and hurried to the family room. Grabbing my phone from the family room table I dialed Christie's home, waiting anxiously for her to answer.

"Hello?" I froze, not because she picked up, but because the person answering it was _Alfred_.

"Alfred?" I felt my throat clog up, my heart thumping.

"Erica, is that you? How do you know Christie's number?" He didn't sound tired at all, and I heard the TV in the background.

"Yeah, Christie's my cousin," I replied. "You hooked up with her again?"

"I wouldn't call it hooking up if you're dating the person."

I sat down, running my fingers through my hair. "But you told me that-"

"I did, and I wasn't lying. But after I got the job-oh and by the way I got the job-I met her at this coffee shop nearby and we started talking. Soon she brought me to her place and I fucked her and told her that we should be together and she said yes, so yeah." He explained with his voice more serious than normal. For some reason he didn't sound happy…

"Oh, I see. Congrats on the job, then." I responded, trying to sound happy while feeling hateful. "So will you be coming back soon?"

"Maybe tomorrow, I don't know." I imagined him shrugging. "Do you still plan on going to Las Vegas?"

"Yes."

"…I see. Well, I'd better go, Christie's calling me over to watch an old monster movie marathon with her. Bye!" He hung up but I kept the phone to my ear. He was safe, thank God, but…

No, I couldn't think about that stuff right now. The most important thing was sleep, and I was too lazy and tired to go back to my room so I settled onto the couch, cuddling with my black cat. I stroked him for a while, smiling at how he looked up at me with a cute expression and eventually drifted into sleep…


	9. Chapter 9: Biking Is Fun, Da?

"Oi, you lazy twit, get up already, its noon!"

Arthur's voice woke me and I grumpily sat up, wiping the sleep out of my eyes. I surveyed the room and saw Gaul!Francis eating French toast (of course) in the kitchen while Ivan drank a bottle of vodka. Arthur stood over me, glaring with hostility at my messy appearance.

"I had to unstrap Gaul!Francis from his bed because you overslept," He complained, helping me get up. "What were you doing sleeping in here?"

I yawned. "I called my cousin Christie last night and Alfred picked up. He said he got the job and that he was coming back today."

"Good, it's about time that git got a job." Arthur grumbled before sitting down in the armchair. "Did he say when he'd be back?"

"No," I sighed, feeling guilty once again for yelling at him. It was a wonder I got any sleep at all…

Suddenly I heard a beeping and followed the sound to where Ivan was sitting. He took it out nonchalantly and smiled at the screen. Tired but curious I got up and walked over to where he was, peeking over his shoulder.

"What…what do you got there?" I asked cautiously, wondering if it was some sort of bomb detonator.

Ivan looked up and smiled at me. "Oh, this is just the thing I use to track Toris. It seems he's left his master's house and is going to a nearby park. I'm probably going to go follow him to make sure he's okay and that no one will hurt him." The cover-up sentence he used made his intentions seem darker. I shivered, fearing for the Lithuania unit's life.

"Do you want to come with me?" He suddenly asked.

The question took me by surprise, and even Gaul!Francis looked up from his food.

"I-I-" I stuttered, not knowing what to say. Was he teasing me or being serious? Would he not care if I said no or become sad? It was hard to tell what was what with Ivan…

"We might be able to see that Alfred guy on the way," he added, confirming that he was serious after all.

I favored a leg and put my hand up to my chin thoughtfully. "I guess I can…but you have to promise me you won't kidnap Toris." I didn't want any complaining from the owner.

He nodded at me, smiling. "I promise."

"Good," I breathed a sigh of relief and asked the others "Are you okay with me leaving? And if you say yes that means you can't destroy the house while I'm gone."

"Qui," Gaul!Francis replied in-between eating.

"Just bring the bloody idiot back." Arthur pushed, and I smiled inwardly, knowing that he was probably worried sick for his brother.

"Will do," I yelled over my shoulder as I followed Ivan out of the house, keys dangling in my hand. I slipped them into my pocket along with my cell phone and watched with mild interest as Ivan stopped in the driveway, staring intently at the locator.

"It seems it's farther away than I thought," He said, walking over to me. "You do have other means of transportation, correct?"

"Let me go get the bikes," I offered. I groaned as I pulled mine and then my step dad's bike out of the garage and dropped Ivan's in front of him. He gazed at it for a few moments but then picked it up and got on, the locator held tightly in his hand.

"Try to keep up, da?"

'Keeping up' was the exact opposite of what I was doing. Ivan was already miles ahead of me, pedaling at the speed of light. I gasped for breath as my bike went over a hill and once over saw with dismay that Ivan had once again gotten out of my sight.

"Vodka-drinking bastard," I said through gritted teeth as I pedaled like the wind to catch up to him. It had only been thirty minutes and we had already biked five miles, a world record compared to what I usually did. Ivan let me lead at first but then passed me when I stopped at a stop light. I yelled at him to stop before he got hit but he said there wasn't any time to waste and jumped over an SVU. From there on I was at the back of the caboose, barely seeing the quick Russian as he biked to his stalkee.

How far away is this park anyway? I thought angrily as I turned onto another street, scarcely missing a car as it drove by.

Lord help me…

"We're here, da?" Ivan announced as I trumped over to him, panting. The park was a simple design: a few benches here and there, a fountain in the middle, some walkways coming from the fountain…really nothing much to look at. I didn't see Toris anywhere but spotted a man in a shady brown coat with black sunglasses on.

"Is that him?" I pointed to the stranger, who was sitting on a bench reading the paper. Ivan nodded.

"According to this it is. If you excuse me, I'm going to go say hi so you can stay back." He said to me with a wide grin on his face, leaving before I could stop him. I shuddered and decided to make sure that Ivan didn't try anything on me in public.

The bushes were a perfect and ideal hiding spot so I dunked beneath them and watched Ivan through the branches, feeling oh-so-sneaky. My operation was blown when a voice startled me.

"Hey, what are you doing in the bushes? You're not a squirrel!"

I got up and saw that it was Alfred, looking as chipper as ever. Once he saw who I was his face fell from a natural smile to a forced one. "Oh, hey Erica."

I gulped and also forced a smile. "Hi Alfred…look," I began, not wanting to hold off the apology any longer, "I wanted to say-"

"Erica! Oh my gosh, is that really you?" My cousin's loud voice interrupted me and I felt the breath get knocked out of me by one of her bear hugs from behind.

I winced and replied, "H-hey Christie, no time no see, huh?"

I let out a gasp of relief as she let me go but sucked in air when she attacked me from the front. "Aw, I've missed you so much, little buddy! Have you met my new boyfriend Alfred?"

"Yes, he seems like your type." I answered through gritted teeth, trying to see how Alfred's face looked. Christie let go of me and instantly hooked onto Alfred's arm, grinning wildly.

"Isn't he totally hot? And in bed, woo! Simply amazing, it's like he was built for sex!" That comment caused me and Alfred both to flinch.

"Y-yeah, thanks for telling me that…" I said, adding sarcasm into my tone. She frowned at me but then nodded in understanding.

"Right, I forgot this was a touchy subject with you since you're still a virgin." She patted me on the shoulder sympathetically. "Don't worry, it'll happen soon."

I blushed and shrugged her arm away, ignoring Alfred's snickering. "So anyway is it true you're driving me to the airport tomorrow?"

Yep, and I'm going with you, too!" She replied excitedly, jogging from one foot to the next in anticipation. "Oh, it's gonna be so much fun!"

"Yeah…" I glanced backwards to see if Ivan had captured Toris yet and saw with dismay that Toris had gone but Natalia was with Ivan, the atmosphere surrounding the two dark. "Excuse me for a moment."

I ran over as fast as I could and noticed Ivan trembling on a bench beside his creepy sister. She had grabbed his hand and was saying, "Come brother, marry me, marry me, marry me!"

At first I wanted to run away, but then I decided I would try and help the defenseless Ivan. I summed up my courage and karate-chopped the head of Natalia on the third 'marry me'. She looked up at me in surprise, then anger. She let go of Ivan's hand, letting him run away, but got up and came face-to-face with me.

"What's your problem, little girl? My dear brother and I weren't doing anything wrong." She snarled, eyes glinting and murderous. I held down the urge to yelp in fear.

"I'm the owner of that unit and I order you to stop harassing it." I declared, hoping that she didn't see I was shaking. She glared at me for a few minutes but stepped down, meaning that she turned around and walked away. I slumped onto the bench and sighed heavily, my breath coming out in shudders.

"Thank you, master," Ivan's quiet voice said behind me. He was hiding behind a tree a few ways away from where I was.

I smiled and replied, "No problem, but that may be one of the reason's she keeps finding you." He looked confused but nodded after a second, understanding.

"So you're saying if I stop trying to find Toris than Natalia won't find me, da?"

"Yes, but you won't have to worry about that if you come to Las Vegas with me," I responded, realizing that was probably true. If I could convince Ivan to go then that would only leave me with Alfred, Arthur and Gaul!Francis. Not much of a difference but a difference anyways.

Needless to say Ivan agreed whole-heartedly, and after some convincing from Christie Alfred said he'd go to. Christie didn't know about the units, of course, so I told her that some of my family from my dad's side had come down and planned to leave to Las Vegas on the same day. After all the planning and explaining was done Alfred said that he'd drive back to my place after Christie left, and Ivan and I would pedal back to the house.

I noticed happily that Ivan was side-by-side with me as we pedaled and obeyed the street laws.

Once we got home I volunteered to put the bikes back, letting Ivan to go and drink his vodka. When I was done I grabbed a Propel from the pantry and bumped into Alfred, who had gotten back before us as expected.

"Alfred, I-"

He cut me off with his hand. "Let me go first. I'm sorry I made fun of you for being a virgin and liking Arthur." He seemed embarrassed to say it, which was probably why he was blocking my view with the hand.

"And I'm sorry I said you could never keep a lover," I said, smiling as he lifted his hand away. He smiled back and I felt my heart beat fast again, faster than before. How that smile was different from any other I couldn't say, but it made me feel strange towards him.

"So you two made up, then?" Arthur chimed in, coming out of his room and joining us.

We both nodded and he began to talk about another subject when the thought of Las Vegas ran through my mind. "Wait, Arthur!" I called out, interrupting him as he scolded Alfred for not telling him where he was last night.

"What is it?"

"Are you going to Las Vegas with me?" He blinked at me and coughed.

"Well I won't be if I'm the only one." He replied simply.

"Don't worry dude, I'll be going along with that Commie!" Alfred stated loudly. "But I'd be totally fine if you didn't wanna come, because they have a lot of gambling there, did you know that?"

Arthur looked slightly irritated. "Yes, I knew that, and I'm not like you who will take a risk to seem heroic."

"But the Hero has to take risks!" Alfred whined, "That's what makes him a hero!" He struck another heroic pose and I cut in before a heated argument about heroism could ensue.

"So will you be coming or not?"

Arthur sighed, glaring at Alfred's pose before saying, "Yes, I guess I have to so I can stop Alfred from being too stupid and getting beat up."

Alfred whooped and I nodded. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

"Of course…wait a minute, where's my magic chalk? Alfred, give it back this instant!" Alfred had taken the chalk while Arthur talked and he hid it behind his back. Once called out he grinned deviously.

"The Hero doesn't listen to anyone!" Alfred proclaimed as he held the chalk just above Arthur's head. I contemplated intervening but chose not to, the fact that I'd have to convince Gaul!Francis to go next occupying my thoughts.

It wasn't hard; all I had to do was tell him there was a lot of sexy showgirls that performed nightly and that they wore close to nothing onstage. I was barely done talking about it when I saw him stand next to a suitcase from nowhere, grinning wildly. I guess sometimes being a perv does come in handy…

After that Alfred and Arthur left to ask their boss about taking those days off of work. It would be a longshot since Alfred had just joined the force yesterday, but Alfred figured that if he caught a lot of criminals today he could make it. When they left I looked around to check on Ivan and found him looking through the bathroom.

He had knelt down and was busy rummaging around the sink, throwing out supplies as he went on. I watched, stunned, as he began to tear off the pipe connected to the sink. When his hand grasped one he started to pull on it, and that's when I took the moment to try and stop him.

I flew down and grabbed his arm, feeling my muscles strain as I halted the Russian man. He looked at me in confusion and I saw a bit of panic in his eyes.

"What are you doing? I need to get my water pipe!" He shrugged me off and pulled on the metal again, and I cringed when I heard a loud squeak. I dove in and managed to yank his hand away.

"You can't do that, that's my sink!" I protested, trying to shove the big guy away. I failed miserably and Ivan pushed me away against the shower door and went back to getting it. I leaped to stop him but I was met with his hand and collided with it, feeling pain go throughout my face.

"Dammit Ivan, stop what you're doing or I'll-" I mumbled from his hand with menace.

"Or you'll do what?" Ivan laughed. "I don't think you're strong enough since you're still recovering from the anorexia, da?"

I leaned back and looked quizzically at him. "You knew?"

"Da, Alfred told me after one of our fights." He explained, pulling the water pipe out of my sink in triumph. I saw the small panic in his eyes replace to happiness as he held it up. I could only sit there on the floor, staring at the empty place where the pipe had been and freaking out mentally.

Ivan smiled at me for a moment and patted my head. "You can always get another one. Good-bye!"

He left with the pipe in his hand and a happy hum. I crawled over to the sink and looked at it. "I am so grounded." I muttered as I stroked the other pipes. Suddenly anger kicked in and I grabbed the blow dryer below and threw it down, my eyes blazing.

"Goddammit!" I hissed loudly, kicking at the poor thing. My step dad was already paranoid about me around the TV, when he saw this he would not only blow a gasket but a vein.

"Goddammit…" I repeated more quietly, running my fingers through my hair in worry. I picked up the blow dryer, which luckily had no damage, and gingerly placed it back under the sink. Walking out I barely noticed as Gaul!Francis ran past me shrieking while flailing his arms. Only a second after I saw Ivan follow after him, the pipe raised threateningly above his head and the sadistic smile plastered on his face. It was easy to control his psycho-episodes when Alfred was around, and when he wasn't Arthur helped it, but now that they were both gone I'd have to put on the big girl pants and take charge. And by take charge I mean be stupid and sacrifice myself.

"Hey Ivan!" I yelled after him, walking fast and finding him holding Gaul!Francis above the ground.

He took his solemn purple eyes off the little boy and fixed them on me. "Da?"

I took a deep breath and said, "The _American_ Armstrong walked on the moon!"

After that I sprinted out the screen doors and ran to the opposite end of the pool. I stood there and saw with bitter satisfaction that Ivan had let Gaul!Francis go and had decided to chase me instead. He spotted me and grinned evilly, hoisting the water pipe onto his shoulder.

"Erica, why are you over there? I think it would be easier for us to talk if you came over here." I shook my head and put on a fake smile.

"No, that's okay. I like this better, it's more…" I pondered what to say next, "safe."

"Safe? But it's much safer over here near me, your friend Ivan," He said, still smiling. I considered it for one fleeting moment but then noticed the 'I'm-going-to-kill-you-then-bury-your-body-at-sea' aura. I shivered from head to feet and stepped further away.

"Well if you won't come over here, I'll guess I'll have to go over there." He stated, moving with unexpected speed towards me. I yelped and sprinted the other way, and from there on it was a cat-chases-mouse ordeal. Wherever Ivan would go I would go the other, and since the pool was large and circular it was easy for him not to catch me and for me not to escape him.

I was about to hit freedom when my knees gave out and I fell to the ground. Ivan caught up to me before I could recover and held me up like he did with Gaul!Francis. I looked into his eyes and saw amusement in them.

"I finally caught you, little girl." He grinned, wielding the pipe in his other hand merrily. I gulped and squirmed to get out of his grasp. The effort was futile and he brought me up higher. I saw him raise the pipe above his head and I closed my eyes, ready for the concussion about to happen.

"Dude, let go of her!"

I opened my eyes just in time to see Alfred crash into Ivan and knock him down. I screamed as I went with him but crawled out when Ivan hit the floor. I saw Alfred ready his fist for punching and jumped in-between the two, making him stop his assault.

"I think he gets it, Alfred," I said, trying to be convincing. I didn't like the fact that Ivan almost hit me in the head with a water pipe but with Alfred's strength he could really hurt him, which is not what I wanted at all.

"This Commie here was about to beat you up with a water pipe and you're stopping me from getting revenge for you?" He scoffed, eyes wide with disbelief.

I nodded, ignoring as Ivan moved below me. "Yeah."

He glared daggers at me, sending me the message that he was actually angry. "You're impossible!"

Alfred got up and made Ivan do the same, gripping him by the arm. He let Ivan go and Ivan simply stood there, confusion in his eyes. Alfred glanced angrily at both of us before storming away, calling over his shoulder, "If you wanna be like that then don't ask for help from me anymore!"

I watched as he slammed the screen door, feeling confused, hurt, and somewhat angry. I never even asked for help, I thought.

"Alfred doesn't usually act like that," Ivan pointed out, frowning. "I wonder why he is."

I frowned along with him, repeating the question to myself in my mind. "I have no idea…by the way, do you still plan to kill me?" After saying that I went into the praying mantis stance, challenging him to make a move.

Instead Ivan chuckled. "No, because if I do that that guy will come in again and break my bones."

I relaxed myself but still glanced at him warily. "You promise?"

He held up his pinky and said, "Russian's honor."

My mind flashed back to the clip where Italy and Germany had done the same thing and smiled, shaking my pinky with his.

"Don't forget, I'll hold it to you," I joked, letting the unease slip away.

Ivan laughed softly. "I know, all women do."

Alfred and Arthur were able to convince their boss to let them off for the two days in Vegas, Alfred doing it by rounding up a bunch of street tugs and Arthur by getting drug info for a notorious gang (no, I didn't live in the ghetto but I did live pretty close to one). That meant we were all going now, and even though I was excited about going to Las Vegas I was worried too, worried that either something bad would happen to the units or happen to me. My mom hadn't called after the time when she invited me, but that was fine because I honestly had other things on my hands. That night I spent the rest of the time stopping Arthur from killing Alfred because Alfred wanted his clothes and Ivan from 'becoming one' with Gaul!Francis while I tried to stop Alfred and Arthur. It was hectic, and by the time everyone went to bed I was ready to dissemble all of the units.

Thoughts of Las Vegas, the nations, and the threat of Christie finding out about them kept me awake. I tossed and turned but found I couldn't keep my eyes shut. I sighed silently and glanced down at the sleeping Gaul!Francis, who looked even younger as he slept. I got down and stepped over him, grabbing my computer and sneaking quietly out of the room. When I closed the door, I hurried over to the family room couch and sat down, flipping open my laptop and turning it on. If I couldn't get to sleep the old-fashioned way then I'd fall asleep to the internet.

After I browsed Memebase and DeviantArt I found a video with fan art of Hetalia. I clicked on the link and watched it, not expecting to see the nations with their shirts off and making out with other characters. I stared at it in shock and suddenly felt hot breath on me and turned around to see Alfred smiling goofily.

"So _that's_ what you like about Arthur," He snickered, his face too close for comfort.

I blushed and replied defensively, "I didn't know it would have these kinds of pictures! What are you doing up anyway?"

He shrugged. "I was too excited to sleep."

I let out a small snort. "What a coincidence, so was I."

"It's gonna be so much fun!" He announced suddenly, doing a fist pump. "I am so getting the million-dollar jackpot!"

"Al, you're too young to gamble," I pointed out, than regretted it after he slumped in despair.

"Aw, man! And I was so looking forward to seeing all the colorful lights too…" He bit his lip and looked like he was about to cry.

Before I could comment on how childish that sounded he said, "Wait, I can just get a fake-ID like the people in those movies!" His voice was full of excitement, and although I wanted to join the sudden breakthrough of joy I had to smash that idea.

"It costs a lot of money to do that, and you obviously don't have enough," I deadpanned, causing Alfred to become depressed for a second time.

"I don't care!" He crossed his arms and looked at me, scowling. "I'll just convince Christie to get me one, she has a lot of friends that could do that!"

And how do you know that? I wondered, not speaking my suspicions out loud. Then again, Christie was the most sociable person I knew…she was the exact opposite of me, actually. She could talk to a random stranger with ease while I held my tongue and tried my best to get away. It was no wonder Alfred liked her…

"Can I go on there for a sec? I want to play some games online."

Suddenly irritated, I snapped, "No, you can't."

Alfred looked up at me with puppy-dog eyes. "Please?"

I blushed again but shook my head. "No, I won't let you."

I felt the weight of my laptop lifted off me and saw Alfred playing with it, his back to me. I tried reaching around him to grab it back but he was bigger than I thought and easily kept it away from me. I was able to grab the side of it but Alfred rolled around and raised it high, pinning me down with his legs. I inched closer to it, my hands only centimeters away, but made the mistake of realizing how compromising the position we were in looked. My heart beat fast and I struggled to get Alfred's legs off mine, aware of his baby-blue eyes on me. Once I got them off I quickly rose and got up, catching myself from tripping.

I swiped the laptop from Alfred and saw him smile at me, making my already-present blush get deeper.

"It seems the virgin is getting hot over me now," He teased.

Out of embarrassment and anger I smacked him on the head like I did with Belarus. "Shut up, I don't like you like that. Besides, you already have a girlfriend."

"Good point," he agreed, putting his arms behind his head and lifting his legs on the table in front of him. I felt another flicker of jealousy but brushed it away.

"Well good night, I guess," I said, beginning to go back to my room. Alfred nodded and brought his head back, closing his eyes. Only seconds later I heard him start to snore softly.

Making sure no one else could see and that he was perfectly asleep, I brought my face up close to his and inspected it. Although the guy was nineteen he still had the face of a child, and I couldn't help but stare at the innocent expression he wore. I tapped the stray hair on the top of his head and saw him flinch a little. I smiled and went back to my room, placing my laptop back where it was and settling into my bed.


	10. Chapter 10: Unexpected Happenings

"Mademoiselle, the straps please!"

Gaul!Francis's slightly whining voice broke through my dream like normal and I went into the routine of helping him get out. It had been about a week since he had been here, but I still didn't trust him enough to let him sleep freely. Whether it was some sort of sleeping disorder or just a nightly habit, I didn't want the kid leaving at night.

We both got up and slipped into the usual schedule: I'd find Arthur trying to cook, get Ivan to stop him, stop Ivan from killing him, go with Alfred to get breakfast with the others, cram all the food into the back seats, eat breakfast with everyone out in the driveway because we couldn't get it all inside, stop a food fight between Alfred and Arthur, make Gaul!Francis help me clean the mess, keep Alfred and Ivan from killing each other, keep Arthur and Gaul!Francis from killing each other, sit all of them down to give a speech about not killing each other, and afterwards it varied from Alfred dragging everyone with him into the pool, running from Ivan when he was sadistic, hitting Gaul!Francis for flirting, and trying to get a peek at what Arthur was drawing on the blackboard in the living room.

All in all is was the most exhausting day in my life.

Between all of this I was able to print out everyone's boarding pass. You might be wondering how I got passes for the countries, and how I did was that I called my mom and told her I wanted my four friends to come with me. I was lucky enough to catch her drunk and she agreed, mumbling about how much fun she was having on the phone while putting in the information and money for the tickets. Our flight left at 10 am and arrived in Las Vegas at 10 pm. A nine hour flight with the units?

Challenge accepted.

"Really, I don't see how this is good for my health," I muttered under my breath as I watched the sun set from outside. The different blends and colors always took my breath away, and I remember sneaking out as a kid to come and look at it for just a minute before being found and scolded by my mother. I smiled at the fond memories and heard footsteps come close to me. Turning around, I saw with surprise it was Arthur.

"Arthur! Er…hi," I greeted him nervously, waving a bit.

"Good day to you too," He chuckled, eating up the embarrassment coming off me.

I blushed and looked away, cursing myself for being a fangirl. The feelings I had for him weren't even real; I only liked him because of his looks and accent.

Arthur stood next to me, and I saw that he was also gazing at the sunset. "It really is beautiful, isn't it?" He said with eyes filled with wonder. "Even though it's as hot as hell down here it's still magnificent."

"This is your first time in Florida?" I inquired, arching an eyebrow. He nodded.

"Yes, I've been in the United States but mostly in the north, and I'm normally sent into Europe or Canada, sometimes even Japan." He explained matter-of-factly.

I could only nod and keep my eyes on the sun. Minutes passed between us without words, our minds filled too much with other things to talk. Funny, I would've probably given anything to stand next to Arthur's side and watch the sunset, but now that I was…it didn't seem any different than with anyone else. I didn't feel bliss, I didn't have the urge to throw my arms around him and kiss him (I didn't have the courage to anyway), and I didn't feel my heart skip unless I looked at him.

Arthur to me was really only an attractive friend.

I wondered when that had changed but then heard him ask, "Do you think it'll be as pretty as here?"

"Las Vegas?"

"Yes."

I sighed, scratching my head, "I don't know…the lights will be pretty, but we won't be able to see any type of nature except the man-made things and the desert."

"Well maybe I'll make friends with the high-rollers instead then."

I laughed at that. "Yeah, they'd love to be friends with someone as sophisticated as you."

He smiled at me. "Exactly."

I smiled back, letting the friendly moment slip in. It was interrupted by my cell phone vibrating. I excused myself and went onto the pool deck, pulling it out and hitting 'talk'.

"Hello?"

"Don't go to Las Vegas, it's a trap."

I stopped, frowning, and replied, "How did you get this number?"

"Don't trust anyone, not even your units."

The voice was digital so I had no idea who it was or even their gender. "Who are you?"

They didn't reply and I looked at the screen, scowling when I saw they had hung up. I looked at the number and saw it had the digits 702. The number sounded familiar but I just couldn't name it…

Oh well. The call was disturbing, and I kept thinking about how the person knew I was going to Las Vegas and that I had Hetalia units. If they knew that much there must have been some truth to their words, but I had already packed and gotten the tickets so it was too late to back down now.

"Dumb prank call, I guess…" I mused, putting my phone back in my pocket. I looked up and saw that inside Alfred and Ivan were fighting again. I sighed and stepped inside, carefully staying out of hitting or killing distance.

"Come back here and face me like the killer you are, you Commie!" Alfred shouted at the top of his lungs, running after Ivan as Ivan easily dodged him.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I won't lower myself to play this little foolish game of yours," Ivan replied casually, smiling his signature smile. Alfred growled and launched himself at him like a tiger, and Ivan grabbed his arm and flipped him over. Alfred hit the floor but brought Ivan down with him with a pull on his boot, and an 'oof' was heard from him as he went down. The two wrestled each other, and when Alfred broke away to catch his breath I stepped in-between them and slammed a fist on both their heads.

"Ow!" They both said in unison.

I glared at both of them and said, "Knock it off numbskulls, or else I'll get Arthur to make you some of his food!"

Alfred shuddered and Ivan's sinister smile dropped.

Ivan got up calmly, glancing once at the American but not lunging at him. He looked at me and said, "Alright, I'll stop for now, da?"

I nodded. "Okay, good-"

"But first let me do this." I was suddenly grabbed from behind and turned around to face Ivan, and caught a glimpse of mischief in his purple eyes before he smacked his lips onto mine. I widened mine in surprise and pushed him away. I slapped him as hard as I could across the face.

"What the hell, Ivan?" I screamed, "That was my first kiss!"

Ivan put his hand on his face, covering the place where I slapped him which had turned red. "Sorry, I just wanted to get back at Alfred. See how angry he is?"

I looked to see how Alfred took it and saw with shock that his eyes were blazing and he was gritting his teeth.

"Ivan…you…" He began to walk towards him, looking angrier than ever. Truthfully I wanted Alfred to beat the jerk's ass in, but that would cause more trouble than it was worth so I stopped him.

"Alfred, don't," I warned, staring at him with composed eyes. He blinked at me in disbelief but halted, glaring daggers at Ivan than turning ominously towards me.

"So the guy forces you to kiss him and you don't even let me touch him?" He growled, "I can't believe this! I'm starting to think that you like him!"

"I don't!" I replied, getting mad. "The only person I like is-" I stopped myself, realizing with horror I was about to say 'you'. Alfred looked at me, confused, but then huffed irately and stomped into Arthur's room, leaving the curious Ivan with me.

Ivan stared at me for a moment before saying, "Were you about to say-"

"Drop it, Ivan." I cut in, not wanting 'like' and 'Alfred' to be said in the same sentence. "Just drop it."

"Okay," He nodded, understanding.

"I'm gonna go in my room so don't bother me." Ivan nodded and looked pitifully at me, his eyes saying 'sorry you fell in love with the idiot'. I coldly ignored them and walked quickly into my room, kicking Gaul!Francis out for some time alone.

'Time alone' turned into internet time and I found myself forgetting my problems as I looked at funny pictures and videos. A picture of Alfred suddenly came up and I slammed the laptop down, breathing heavily as my heart raced. Baka, baka, baka…

No, I would not let this affect the current situation. Why? 1: I was too young to even like him, 2: He already had a girlfriend, and 3: He obviously didn't feel the same way. Now that I had the obvious pointed out I relaxed, letting the feelings slip away. It was much harder to not feel it, but I would do what I could.

"Hey Erica, dinner's ready and if you don't come and get it the fatass will eat it all!" Arthur's voice called, and I smirked at the mention of Alfred's nickname.

"Coming!" I called back, turning off the computer real quick and leaving my room.

The dinner was pasta and Alfred and Arthur had thrown some of the sauce across the table like paint, and even though I knew I'd have to clean it I still laughed as it was thrown. Alfred had recovered from his 'episode' and was back to his happy-go-lucky self, which might've been good for me but was bad for an irritated Arthur and sadistic Ivan. Gaul!Francis laughed along with me at their shenanigans and after I slapped him away from feeling up my leg we got along the rest of the night.

Snuggling into my bed I wondered how I could possibly handle the units in Las Vegas.

"I'll figure out something," I answered myself out loud.

"Figure out what?" Gaul!Francis looked up at me through the darkness, awakened by me talking out loud.

"How to handle you all at Las Vegas." I replied simply.

"I think you'll do fine, mademoiselle," He said back, and I smiled at the reassurance.

"Thanks Francis."

I could imagine him winking at me as he replied, "No problem, master."

The next morning was the opposite of what I thought it would be: calm and organized. The countries had already put their bags near the front door when I got up and were eating breakfast like normal. I was baffled that nothing went wrong from there and Christie arrived on time like expected, causing me to be the only one who was paranoid. The paranoia came from the threat that Christie, who wasn't very smart but wasn't stupid, would find out that my 'father's relatives' were actually sex-toy clones and her 'boyfriend' was among them. She spent most of the drive to the airport, however, singing along to songs on the radio and saying the most embarrassing things about me.

"Oh, and one time when Erica was little she was so excited to see me she peed her pants!" She laughed out loud and the units followed suit, leading me to slump down into the back seat of the car in utter embarrassment.

Oh well, it was better than her finding out.

When we arrived at the airport I spent most of my time stopping Gaul!Francis from molesting strangers and Ivan from hurting them. I could only pray that Alfred didn't try anything stupid, and my prayer was answered with Christie sticking to him all the time. And by all the time I mean that once we got to the terminal she pulled him into the family restroom and, well…you get the idea. Arthur left to get a drink at one of the airport restaurants and I sat in-between the duo of doom, or a horny teenager Francis and a psychotic adult Ivan.

"I'm bored, can I go talk with those boys over there with the hoods?" Ivan declared, motioning to the guys standing near the boy's bathroom. On closer inspection I saw they were all wearing red bandanas. Didn't that mean something-?

"No, I don't think that's a good idea…" I answered, "at all."

"Why?"

"They just don't seem very friendly," I lied, having a weird feeling in my stomach that it was a lot more than that. "Just wait, we only have to wait thirty more minutes for the plane to get here."

Ivan didn't seem convinced but nodded. "Okay, I guess I'll just join Arthur for a drink then. Good-bye!"

He got up, the creepy smile still on his face as he walked towards where Arthur was. In some ways I wanted to follow him to make sure he wouldn't get into trouble, but then who would watch over Gaul!Francis? Certainly not Alfred, who was busy screwing his new girlfriend in the family bathroom…wait, where was Gaul!Francis?

I looked around and saw with dismay that the blonde boy was gone, and I had no idea where he went. Panicking, I got up and started to dart back and forth through the terminal, my eyes skimming the rows of seats and stores for him. But no matter where I looked I couldn't find him.

"Dear God, I've lost him…" I huffed, doubling-over to catch my breath. I wasn't fond of him but he was just a kid, damn it! And if anything happened to him…no, I couldn't think about that.

Suddenly a loud scream from a woman came from the women's bathroom and I looked up to see someone run out, trying to put on her pants as she did so. A second later a boy was thrown out into the open and I identified the pervert as Gaul!Francis. A bunch of girls followed after him and he tried crawling away but was picked up by a rather muscular one, who quickly balled up a fist to punch him.

I dashed over to where the girl was and stopped her arm. "Wait, that's my brother!"

She raised an eyebrow at me and spat, "You let your brother come into a girl's bathroom?"

I stood there, frozen, thinking of the perfect lie so Gaul!Francis wouldn't be beaten to a pulp and be locked up by airport security.

"He's retarded, he doesn't know any better." I explained hurriedly, making a desperate glance at Gaul!Francis to play along. He frowned at me but seemed to understand quickly.

"Me not go into bathroom?" He asked innocently, trying his hardest to imitate an American accent. It failed miserably but made the words more believable.

By this time the brawny girl had put him down. I shook my head at him and grabbed his hand, wiggling my finger in front of his face. "No Freddy, you go to the bathroom with the man on it, okay?"

He seemed pissed off I was treating him like a retard but replied, "Okay sis."

The girl before us looked slightly embarrassed as she said, "Sorry about that, I didn't know…"

"No, no, it's fine! Just don't tell anyone about it, please?"

"Sure, no problem." The girls behind her scattered shortly after that and the many pairs of eyes on us from behind turned away. Gaul!Francis retreated his hand from mine and glared at me.

"Did you really have to make me sound retarded?" He said angrily.

"It's better than you getting an ass-whooping, right?" I retorted, glaring at him in return. We looked icily at each other for a while but eventually broke off.

"I'm sorry." Gaul!Francis mumbled below his breath, so softly I almost didn't hear it. I couldn't help but smile.

"Apology accepted." I simply replied, still smiling down at the twelve-year-old.

"Attention! Flight ### is now ready for boarding, I repeat: Flight ### is now ready for boarding!"

"That's our flight, yes?" Gaul!Francis glanced at our gate, which was now full of people pushing to get inside the plane first.

"Oui, oui," I answered in my best French-accent, which sounded more Italian than French. Gaul!Francis scoffed and went over to our things. He picked up his bags and stood next to Alfred and Christie, who had appeared sometime ago. Ivan joined them, a drunken Briton in his arms. He handed Alfred Arthur like he was one of the bags.

"I believe this is yours, da?"

Christie looked confused but I laughed as Arthur muttered gibberish in his drunken sleep, lying limp in Alfred's strong arms. Gaul!Francis smirked and told Alfred while we were walking into the gate that he had a permanent marker in his carry-on and that they could draw faces on him later. Because of this future scheme I had to sit next to Alfred and Arthur in the middle seat, Alfred on my left and Arthur snoozing on my right. Christie, Gaul!Francis, and Ivan sat behind us.

The device for the pilot's speaker buzzed on and the pilot, a male, announced, "We'll be heading on a straight flight to Las Vegas, a nine hour flight in all, and we hope that in these hours you enjoy your flight and try to get a little shut-eye before gambling and spending the night in Glitter City." Whoops and hollers were heard and Alfred's was among them, almost breaking my eardrums.

"Las Vegas, here we come!" He hollered, getting some fist-pumps and high-fives from the other aisle sitters. I facepalmed and tried to relax in my seat, shrugging off the sleeping Briton from my shoulder while doing so.

I decided to follow Arthur's example and once it was permitted to put on my mp3 player to listen to some music to sleep. I didn't notice the red-bandana-wearing-guys from before sitting only a row across from us.


	11. Chapter 11: Airplanes Are Dangerous

I woke up to the following: screaming, gunshots, and fighting. Still sleepy from the quick nap it took me a minute to figure out what was going on, and honestly I wish I had stayed asleep.

"Yo, put your goddamn money in the bag, motherfucker!" The unmistakable voice of a black guy was heard and I saw that one of the guys with the red bandanas was pushing a gun against an elderly woman's head as she cowered in fear.

"But this is all I have!" She wailed, tears coming down from her face.

"Like I give a shit about that! Now put the money in the bag!" The man pushed the gun closer to her head and the lady bent down to get her purse.

Do something.

She handed him the money and he walked away, but not before smacking her upside the head with his gun. "Wrinkly bitch."

DO SOMETHING.

What? I answered myself angrily, grab a magic gun and shoot him? The word 'magic' gave a random thought to me suddenly, though.

"Hey Arthur?" I whispered to Arthur while keeping my head straight ahead. I heard fidgeting from beside me.

"What?" He replied irritably, and I imagined he was glaring at me for making him wake up to a hangover.

"Do you have your magic chalk with you?"

I heard him snicker and say, "Don't I always? Wait, who are those gents over there and why are they-"

"Don't ask questions, just hand them to me." I cut in, not wanting to cause attention. Finally I recognized the three guys: they were from the notorious gang Panther Blood, native to Florida and appearing on the nightly news daily. They were known for ruthlessness and cruelty, and most of the members were convicted felons. While I slept they must have hijacked the plane…

"Here, take the bloody things," I took them and blinked gratefully at him before drawing on the table before me. I felt Arthur's eyes on my hands as I drew and could almost hear him as he furrowed his bushy eyebrows.

"Isn't that-"

"Mint Flying Bunny, go!" I lifted my hands up and the green Pikachu flew from the pull-down table I was sketching on and grew in size, flapping its wings wildly. I marveled at my creation as it flew gracefully above Arthur and went into the aisle.

"The fuck is that?" One of the gangsters hollered, and gunshots were instantly heard as the freaked out gangsters tried to shoot down the adorable bunny abomination.

Before they could shoot it down I brought the chalk back down on the table and kept drawing. There were a few cheers and gasps from the other passengers and I drew faster, knowing it was only a matter of time before-

"Hey bitch, why you drawin' with that chalk? Stay the fuck still or I'll cap yo head-"

Shots were heard and Christie screeched from behind.

"Erica!"

I held the pistol with shaky hands as the guy fell to the ground, a bullet in his chest. He gagged blood and I looked away, thinking of ponies and Nyan Cat to distract myself from the gore.

"You killed him," Arthur's tone was full of awe, "you actually killed him."

I shook my head to clear the paranoia and tossed him another gun that I had drawn, one of the ones I saw in a documentary of World War ll. He caught it and I heard the click sound of it loading.

I turned around, saying to him, "Okay, we need to hurry and find the other two on board and either kill them or disarm them."

"Why are you so sure there's only two?" He inquired.

"Because they were the only ones I saw at the airport with bandanas," I explained quickly, "now man up and help me kick some ass!'

He smiled at me and saluted. "Yes, ma'am."

I ducked and hurried out of the row, holding the pistol and chalk in my hand for dear life. At first I didn't see another Panther Blood, but then I saw one slide past one of the rows, holding a paper bag probably stuffed with valuables and cash. I jumped up, closed my left eye, and shot towards his stomach. Luck didn't help me that time, however, because my shot was off and instead put a hole through the bag, causing gold and coins to tumble out loudly.

"What the hell-"

I pulled the trigger again, cutting off the guy before he could finish his sentence with the resound as it shot. A bloodstain spread from his shirt and traveled out but it let him have enough time to ready a shot at me.

I closed my eyes, expecting to feel pain from any part of my body but heard the sound of a gun from my side instead. I looked up to see Arthur holding the gun (like a boss) in the direction of the guy. The Panther Blood collapsed, and once he let go of the bag people scrambled to pick up their things.

"Hey guys!"

The talking of the people and the clinking of metal drowned out my voice. I tried again. "Everyone, listen!"

Still no one heard. Goddammit-

BAM!

The sound of a gun being fired silenced everyone and they drew their attention from the money to me.

"Thank you, Arthur." I said, and Arthur shrugged.

"I only fired my gun once."

"I think mine helped, yes?" A Russian accent announced and I stared in shock as Ivan hoisted a machine gun on his back.

"But-how did you even-" I stuttered, wondering how in the world he could have gotten the gun. Oh well, whatever. I can go crazy about that some other time.

I sighed and gazed upon everyone in front of me. "I have one question for you: what happened to the third member of the gang?"

"I thought they were terrorists!"

"I thought they were psychopaths!"

"I thought they were my friends…"

Everyone looked quizzically at the boy who said it. "What? They were very nice!"

"So you don't know where he went?" I rubbed my temples and they nodded.

A woman sitting in an aisle seat rose and said, "Wait! I think I saw him-" A hand was cupped over her mouth from the man next to her and everyone glared at her to keep quiet. A moment of silence passed between us as I guessed why they were suddenly being so suspicious.

"Did he threaten you that if you said where he was he'd crash the plane?" I asked with sudden understanding of the situation. They all nodded. I glanced over at Arthur. "I think we need your sophistication for this."

Arthur nodded at me and stood with an important air in the walkway. "I believe that this is an opportunity of a lifetime, my good chaps, isn't it?"

Under the spell of the Sexy British Accent, everyone nodded.

"I tell you what the opportunity is for: it's to be a hero, to prove yourself, to be more than you've ever dreamed! When this is all over word will spread of the heroes who helped take down a corrupt American who hijacked a plane, and they shall be remembered for all of time. So please, help us, help the Americans, help your _country_, and tell us where that damned bandana gentleman is!"

I envisioned a British flag behind Arthur as he said his patriotic speech and joined the chorus of clapping. The woman who spoke before pointed and said clearly, "He's in the cockpit!"

I thanked her quickly and marched along the walkway, my pistol pointed ahead just in case the guy popped out of nowhere. He luckily didn't and I finally made it to the cockpit, leaning against the bathroom door and putting my ear to the entrance of the pilot's place.

"Okay, hold on a minute man, you're talkin' too fast." The Panther Blood's voice could be heard from inside and I visualized that he was talking to someone.

That someone answered and I knew it was Alfred. "I said tilt the joystick up and make it go whoosh to go up, and tilt it down to make it go vroom and go down."

"…are you seriously that stupid?" The click of the gun readying made my heart skip and through a peep hole on the door I saw the Panther Blood jabbing the gun against Alfred's forehead. "Tell me the fucking directions or I'm a blow yo head off!"

Alfred's eyes shined brightly as he replied, "No one tells the Hero what to do!"

He moved with lightning speed and slapped the gun away, grabbing one of the guy's arms, twisting it around, and pinning him against the wall. I gaped in surprise but burst in and took the shot to the guy's head. The Panther Blood looked up at the bullet in his head and coughed, starting to puke blood as he died. Alfred threw his body to the side, and I followed the body as it tumbled down to where the pilot's sat. When that was done Alfred tackled me, screaming about how glad he was that I was safe.

"Okay, okay, Alfred, I get it!" I pushed him off and glared at him, hating that he was so melodramatic about it. He smiled at me again and I blushed, looking towards the lookout window to get away from the look and seeing with revulsion that the pilots had been killed where they sat.

I got up and walked over to them, tears in my eyes as I saw their lifeless bodies. No one deserved to die today…

A lurch from the plane sent me barreling and smashing into Alfred. I gasped against the sudden speed and turned towards Alfred.

"Do you have any idea how to pilot a plane?" I shouted above the engines with fear in my eyes.

He shook his head and held onto me as we went nose-down to the ground. I slipped away and attempted to copy the movies by gripping a stick and pulling it up as hard as I could. I wasn't strong enough to bring it all the way up but was able to level it as we crashed into the ground. I screamed bloody murder as we hit the ground at speeds around 300 miles.

Honestly, at this point in time or this scenario I would've figured my life would flash before my eyes. You know, like in those drama-action films. But as I looked on through the window and onto the desert all I could think about was how stupid I was for coming to Las Vegas, for getting the units to come with me, for leaving without telling my friends about it (did I even bring my cell phone charger?), and most of all not reporting suspicious behavior in the airport like the voice-over always told me to. That would've helped a lot.

"Don't go to Las Vegas, it's a trap."

"Don't trust anyone, not even your units."

Who _was_ that guy? Hm, guess I'll never find out...suddenly all the colors around me drifted away and everything became black.

Oh great, the blackness again. Hello old friend…


	12. Chapter 12: The Desert, It's Hot

Ah, everything's so warm…I'm in heaven, right? Because I don't have insurance for hell…it feels so fluffy, like I'm on clouds, I feel like I'm being carried in someone's arms-

"Hey guys, I think she's awake!"

I opened my eyes to see Alfred gazing into mine, a broad smile on his face. I realized I was gripping his jacket and let go, letting Alfred let me down from where he was carrying me. The ground beneath me was sandy, dry, and tan-colored.

"We're in the desert, aren't we-" I was bear-hugged by Christie before I could finish and gasped for air.

"Oh Erica, I was so worried when you like, didn't wake up! You were so brave and cool and heroic back there! Usually you're so timid and fearful and shy but now it's like you're a completely different person!" She cried, hugging me so tightly I thought I heard a rib crack.

"I get it, you missed me, now let me breath!" I croaked. She let me go and I breathed in, feeling the dry heat come into me as I breathed in and out.

The units appeared from behind her and I was suddenly hugged by Gaul!Francis, Ivan, and Alfred from all sides. Luckily they didn't try to kill me and I giggled as Gaul!Francis fussed over how dangerously I acted.

"I thought you were dead!" He hugged me again and I wondered if he was trying to feel my chest. "I was so sad I could've cried, but I didn't of course because I am manlier than that."

"Of course," I smiled at ruffled his hair playfully, "that's why you sneak into girl's bathrooms."

"Do you have an idea on how to get us to Las Vegas?" Arthur said, coming to stand beside Ivan. I blinked at him.

"I don't even know where we are."

Arthur frowned and scoffed and Ivan's smile became creepier. I ignored the rude gestures and surveyed the scenery, trying to find some sort of landmark to tell us where we were. There was none, only the barren desert and the scorching sun. Great, just freaking great…

"Maybe we should talk to some of the natives around here," Ivan offered cheerfully.

I shook my head, hiding the confusion of the question from him. "No, I don't think they have any Indians around here. Wait, let me see something really quick…"

I studied my watch and saw it was 5 pm. We were either in Arizona or New Mexico since Las Vegas was at the southern tip of Nevada. The sun would set soon, and while it took the intense heat away the moon would bring the chilling cold…

"We need to find shelter, and fast." I pronounced seriously to everyone.

"And how do you intend to find it? If you haven't noticed," Arthur stood back for added effect, "we're in the bloody desert!" His voice carried out through the barren land and I saw Christie nodding.

"Yeah, we won't be able to find anything for like, hours." Ah, that Valley Girl accent always made things seem more comical than they seemed…

"How about we use this cave over here?" Ivan called, and I followed his distant voice to a cave facing away from the sun. I widened my eyes in surprise but walked into the cave with him.

"Are you sure this isn't a den?" I questioned, running my hands along the claw marks of the cave walls. It didn't smell like an animal had been here recently, but you never knew.

He turned towards me and grinned, which looked more frightening in the slight darkness of the cave. "Then if they come back I will kill it, da?"

"R-right, got it." I gave him a thumbs-up and motioned the rest to come inside.

"It's better than outside," Alfred muttered, ducking a little as he went through the entrance. Gaul!Francis called the front of the cave as his sleeping spot and Christie claimed the one across from his hers. Their sleeping arrangements were smashed when Arthur said we should keep guard outside and keep watch in turns. From there on we all slept in the back of the cave, and since it would be close to freezing we'd have to be super close to keep warm. Fine with me as long I wasn't near Alfred, who I was trying not to fall head over heels over.

I asked around in-between making the cave livable and found out that when the plane crashed it had caught on fire, yes, _fire_, and that we had to leave before the flames could engulf us, leaving the rest of our bags behind (Arthur told me that they didn't have time to help other people since they were looking for us but it seemed like everyone on the plane had gotten out). So basically all I had with me was my watch plus my pistol, which I had clung to even as I blacked out. Christie luckily had her phone with her but since it was the desert there was no reception so they couldn't call for help, and she had turned it off to conserve the battery. The others were able to save these following things: blankets, jackets, hats, two water bottles, and a 20 dollar bill. Not much but better than nothing.

The first one on watch was Ivan, leaving Alfred to make-out with his girlfriend, Arthur to scold Gaul!Francis about 'violating a woman's privacy', and me to stare off into space, wondering how in the hell we'd get home. Time passed slowly at first but sped up as the sun began to set.

"It's your time now, da?" Ivan patted my shoulder as I got up to go to the designated post. I smiled weakly at him and sat down near the entrance, fixing my eyes so that they could look over all of the landscape. No animals, no cars, nothing. I squinted against the lasting sunlight of the sunset and thought back to the sunsets on the lakes in Florida. It had only been what, a day? And yet it was taken away so quickly…images of the dead Panther Bloods filled my eyes and the shot of the gun filled my ears. I had _killed_ someone. Shit, I had actually _killed_ somebody, a living, breathing, human being-

"You okay? You're breathing really quickly." Christie's worried voice carried over to me and swept away the gunshots, and I shook my head.

"I'm fine, just some shock from the airplane incident." I answered, forcing my tone to be calm.

Christie sat down beside me and shook her head. "No, you're not. I can tell when you're lying; I've been with you for 10 years, you know."

I sighed, slipping into the old habit of rubbing my temples. I didn't want her to worry, it was my problem, and honestly I didn't want to tell anybody about it except the soon-to-be-hired therapist. I rocked back and forth, procrastinating what to say to change the subject. Suddenly her hand was on my shoulder.

"Don't worry, I understand," She smiled pitifully at me and I could only nod, keeping back tears with all my might. She took her hand off and clapped her hands together. "I have an idea! You wanna hear it?"

I frowned at her. "I don't know…will it involve explosives?"

"Not this time."

"Then let's hear it."

She smiled at me deviously, saying, "I heard from Alfred that you like that British guy, and although he's on your dad's side I bet he's something like a second-cousin, right?"

"Uh yeah, second-cousin," I mumbled while trying to keep up with her, "what are you saying?"

"I could help you get into his pants."

At that I cackled, making Christie stare at me in alarm. "A-are you serious?" I breathed after I had stopped laughing. I could feel myself blush, of course, but I had never even considered that.

"Come on, I've seen the way you look at him! Honestly you flirt with him so much it's making even my Alfred angry." She winked at me. "So what do you say?"

"Christie, I…I don't like him like that." I confessed, pleased to realize that was true.

She scoffed at me and shouldered me lightly. "You're so lying! Don't worry, I'll stop talking about all the stuff you did when you were a kid."

"Christie-"

"I won't even show him your baby pictures." I frowned at her and stopped her before she could say anything else.

"Christie, listen." The seriousness in my voice finally reached her and she stopped talking. "I have no intention whatsoever to get laid, okay? I already told you a while ago I'm abstinent. No sex until marriage. Comprendo?"

"Comprendo." She repeated, sighing unhappily as her scheme was crushed into pieces. "But at least make-out with him-"

"Christie!"

"I'm kidding, gosh!" She laughed while trying to hug me. I rejected the hug and glared at her, knowing full-well I was blushing so deeply Spain would've thought I was one of his runaway tomatoes.

"It's just that I see a lot of me in you, you know?" She said, hugging my shoulder blade. I glanced at her in surprise, wondering if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I decided to take it as a good thing and grinned at her widely.

"Yeah, I know."

From then on it got cold-excuse me, freezing-excuse me, _bone-chilling_, so by the end of the night everyone had to huddle together to get warm. The chattering of teeth kept Alfred and Christie from talking, and the feeling of slight frostbite kept Arthur from strangling Gaul!Francis. All in all it was a good night, minus the minus degree weather.

But because of the weather I couldn't sleep. At all. So I laid there, crammed in-between Alfred and Ivan, my eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Damn you, c-cold…

Suddenly I felt a hand slip into mine. I looked down to see nothing but darkness and scowled at the lack of light. Whoever was holding my hand I had no idea, but it offered some warmth in the cold air surrounding us. I grasped the hand and closed my eyes, finally able to drift into long-awaited sleep…

That morning everyone woke up and we packed what items we could into one of the giant blankets that was scavenged from the plane crash. Ivan volunteered to carry it all and met no opposition (if there was any the strong Russian would've smashed it anyway). We headed out, Arthur in the lead, me following close behind, Alfred and Christie behind us and Gaul!Francis ahead of Ivan. The journey was brutal, with the sand whipping up and bitch-slapping us every minute and the dry air making us all conserve our voices so to not get thirsty and waste the water. It wouldn't be very entertaining to read about that, so I'll just be lazy and skip it and go to-

"I see lights! Hey everybody, I see lights!" I called out, pointing towards the flashing red and blue lights up ahead.

"Are you sure that isn't just a mirage?" Arthur inquired, turning around to face me. I heard a few mutters of agreement from behind me. Alfred, Christie, Gaul!Francis, and Ivan walked from the steady line we had formed and gathered around me.

"Well I'm gonna check it out anyway." I replied, feeling the little spoiled kid in me cross his arms. "With or without any of you."

By that time everyone had gathered around in a semi-circle, facing away from the blowing sand. I squinted my eyes as the grains buffeted against me as I faced the north.

There were a few side glances but all the units and Christie eventually agreed. I nodded in satisfaction, trotting along with Arthur as the mini monologue inside my head spoke:

_The small pack of travelers headed in the direction of the spotted savior, their bodies dotted across the desert as they moved. No one knew if the 'lights' would lead to a safe haven, but in the mind of every person there was small hope that it would help in their journey. A hushed calm filled the area and only the soft sound of crunching sand and dead plants was heard. Soon they reached the sighting of the lights, which became closer as they trekked to it._

I walked quietly over to where the lights were, glancing back to look at the others as they hid behind a tall cactus. Picking up my pace I practically ran over to the place, which was getting more and more visible by the second. In only a minute I saw what I knew it had to be: a cop car.

Why would a cop car be out in the middle of the desert, you ask? I don't know, maybe they picked up the idea from Doc Hudson in Cars or something, but I was thanking God as I neared it, reading the definite print of the words Arizona State Police Department as I did so. Once I reached the hood of the car I saw a man with a curly moustache and police cap look up at me with dark sunglasses.

"What's your name, sweetie?" He asked, getting out of the car. That sounded so much like a pick-up line…

"My name is Erica, and I want to ask you-"

I was cut off by the sudden pain in my head as the guy's black club hit me on the side of my head. I felt it, cursing a bit and glaring slightly at him.

"What are you doing?" The panic in my voice rose as the policeman handcuffed me and forced me into the back of the car. I could hear the units, mainly Alfred, yelling as they undoubtedly came to help me.

"You're under arrest for the possession of sex slaves, Ms. Erica." The man said as he slipped into the driver's seat, turned on the car, and sped away from my companions as the deafening sound of the police siren blared.

Goddammit…


	13. Chapter 13: Interrogation

"So as I said before, _what units did you get_?" The policeman, who was actually one of the Mint Flying Bunny Corporation's customer service supervisor's, asked menacingly. His name was Jack. Jack Daniels. Gotta love that.

"I told you that I got the America, Britain, Gaul France, and Russia units. Now can you let me go?" I growled, rubbing against the ropes tying my hands in irritation.

It seemed I was…abducted, and that my receiving of the Hetalia Units was a mistake (I had no idea at all) and that there was a malfunction with the system that sent them to me at random (is that even possible?). Even though my story was laid out straight, though, the supervisor Jack Daniels thought differently than a normal person would. He thought I was tricking the system, see, into giving me units. And yes, a 14-year-old would actually have the brains and power to do that.

Jack smiled at me, and I recoiled at the crooked teeth he shone so proudly. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Ms. Erica, because if I do you'll either find another way to scam us or you'll run to the media."

I couldn't help it: I gulped in fear. Shaking and trying to get out of the chair I was tied to, I spat at him, "The Hetalia Units may not be able to do legal action, but I have someone that knows all about your little operation." Amelia and Brittany knew, and they would help me. Right?

Jack frowned at me, giving me enough time to gather some confidence to glare at him. He brought his face close to mine and whispered, "Who are they?"

Thinking back to the action movies I always secretly watched, I reared back and spat on him, grinning as his face was full of shock. "Is that a good enough answer for you?"

He brought his hand up to slap me, but once seeing my cringe pulled it down. He walked away from me and paced back and forth in the small yet spacious spare room.

"Ms. Erica, I do believe that you're the type of girl to talk big and do big, but when faced with an equal enemy backs down." He said casually, hands behind his back, "And as much as I hate to brag, I'm that type of enemy. I'm afraid you'll just have to be kept in a prison cell until we, mainly I, decide what to do with you."

I stared, wide-eyed at him, speechless. A prison cell? What kind of operation was being run here-oh right, sex slaves. Guards filed into the room and held up both my arms, lifting me so I wouldn't try to kick or run away. I kept my gaze stone-cold as they threw me into a room surrounded by black metal bars, complete only with a small toilet inside. I scurried to the back of the cell and slumped down, glaring at the guards as they walked away and slammed the heavy door behind them. When they left I cried, cried my heart out, my mind, mostly my eyes, over my current position. How in the hell this happened I had no clue, no clue at all…

And yet I was to be jailed for it, or even killed. Whichever came first.

I sobbed for a good hour or so before I thought back to the others and how they were doing. Did Jack send more people to pick them up? What would happen to Christie if they did, or the units? What if nothing happened and they all had to trek on alone…God, I was really depressing myself, wasn't I? They would be fine, they'd _would_ be safe, at least, with Alfred and Ivan there. And when they were all down and sad Christie or Gaul!Francis would cheer them up along with Alfred. And when they needed help with directions or common sense, well, Arthur would have to take that part alone but still they would be fine.

And so would I.

"Wake up, maggot!" The no-doubt-a-veteran's loud voice awakened me, and I opened crusty eyes to see him yelling at me like it was a practice drill. I slit my eyes, expecting to be greeted by sunlight, but saw that there was only the giant light sealed to the ceiling.

"Now eat your grub before I throw it to the pigs!" He continued, sliding a plate of French fries and apple sauce towards me with a side of water in a metal cup. I didn't give him enough time to threaten me again and grabbed the plate, eating the food as quickly as possible.

The ex-drill sergeant nodded his approval and left, leaving the metal door slightly open. I looked at the crack, not sure that he knew he left it open, but just heard the loud steps as he stomped his combat boots on the hard floor. Frowning, I wrapped my hand around the handle of the cup and picked it up, sipping then chugging the water. What? The desert was a dry place. I was about to set the cup down when I noticed a piece of paper where it had been. I picked up, putting down the cup as I did so, and read it with increasing confusion.

_Don't go to Las Vegas, it's a trap. Don't trust anybody, not even your units._

Eh? Wasn't this the same note I got the day before the flight? Strange…I also saw there was more writing on the back.

_Stay up. When the sergeant comes in again, tell him that you'd like to join the army and want to go to Vietnam. He'll know what you're saying and take you to where you need to be._

I laughed at what the guy wanted me to say to the sergeant and abruptly stopped my laughter when I heard footsteps walk by the cell. When they passed I read it over again, memorizing it before I hid it in my bra. Might as well hide it where no one would look/touch (I was wearing a baggy shirt).

Relaxing and laying down on the cold ground, I shivered slightly but closed my eyes, trying to make the act of fake-sleeping believable. Time rolled by, and I saw that my watch had sadly been taken away. I liked that watch, it was always there for me, even when soaking wet with water.

"Time to get up, ladies!" The sergeant announced as he marched into the room. I passed him the tray and got up. He nodded at me again and began to walk away.

"You know, I've always admired the army. Do you think I could join?" I inquired, curiosity blanketing my tone. The sergeant turned towards me, a confused expression on his face.

"I've always wanted to go to Vietnam," I added quickly.

He threw open the cell doors and grabbed my ear, making me wince in pain as he led me out the door and into the hallway of what I assumed was the Mint Flying Bunny Headquarters. I was pushed, rather slammed into a room that looked like every other and I saw the sergeant wink at me before closing it and marching away. I blinked and sat down, realizing that the plan had worked and that the person that came in here next would hopefully help me get out.

In the meantime, why not look at the room? It had the rectangular layout, with three armchairs at the end facing a large-scale coffee table and swivel chair behind. A table separated the two and a miniature bamboo plant sat on top of it, reaching towards the heavens. The walls were a shady gray, and a black-framed mirror hung on the right and demotivational poster on the left, except it was one of the ones Memebase sought to make fun of. There was no carpet or other furniture, which led to me one conclusion about the room: BORING.

The sound of a door opening broke me away from my thoughts and I saw the person in front of me had brown hair, dark-blue eyes, a scar covering his right eye, and a solemn expression. He stared at me, not speaking, as if he was staring into my soul. I stared back, looking into the seemingly endless lake of blue, captivated yet perplexed on how someone's eyes could be so dull. I had a feeling of nostalgia from looking into them…

He sat down at the desk and said, "You. You're Erica, right?"

I nodded, surprised by his curtness, "Y-yeah, I am."

He nodded back, clasping his hands together to seem business-like. "I've heard a lot about you."

"The rumors about my death are untrue," I recited seriously, hoping to break the awkward silence with a laugh. I only got him to raise an eyebrow.

"Yes, it seems they are…I understand that you've gotten Alfred, Arthur, Francis, and Ivan?" He stated their names clearly as if he had said them his whole life.

I shifted in the chair, suddenly uncomfortable. "Yes, but I didn't order them, you see. It was just that one day one arrived at my door out of the blue and suddenly it was like I got a daily subscription or something."

The man listened to my story with expressionless eyes, nodding calmly as I talked. When I was done he sighed a long sigh and gazed at me for a moment.

"To tell you the truth, I honestly am very sorry for your predicament. But, I believe that you're in an even bigger one now. Let's make this brief," He started, and I thought, You're making it brief already! "You have two choices: stay here, have who-knows-what happen to you, and have your units and family either killed or captured," I flinched slightly at that, "or you can help me, get a chance to save yourself and the units, _and_ help take down a corrupt corporation that's been running ever since the first Hetalia webcomic was released."

I blinked in bewilderment, wondering how all that could happen by helping this guy. He seemed trustworthy enough, and seemed to know enough about me (however disturbing and creepy that was), but…ah, what the hell? Might as well go out with a bang, however small it might be.

"Let's do it." I said, and was able to catch a smile from him. He got up and we shook hands, sealing the deal. I still had the feeling that I knew him from somewhere though…

"I know this is a weird question to ask, but do I know you from somewhere?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in puzzlement. He seemed stunned by the question but quickly recovered, stepping back and taking off his hair which was in reality a wig. I gasped as I saw light blonde hair tumble out, and he put on a dark-blue sailor hat as he said,

"I was the experimental unit of Norway."


	14. Chapter 14: Christie's Point Of View

_For your entertainment, or just to relieve some drama, the story shall be switched from the point of view of Erica to Christie, who will probably not make sense for those of you who are literate. Enjoy._

No. Way. Erica, was just like, taken by that cop guy! And he wasn't even cute! Ah man, I hope she's alright…the car is going way to fast to chase, though, so there's no way we can catch or even track it…wait, maybe the Eyebrow guy has an idea.

"Blah blah sophistication blah blah blah eyebrows blah blah blah I'm hot." Woah, he is hot. Not as hot as Alfie, of course, but not half-bad…actually, none of these guys are ugly, not even normal looking. Even that pervy pre-teen…oh, it looks like the creepy stalker guy's talking.

"I think that's a good idea, Arthur, we should-I am a total psychopath, when you go to sleep at night I will either rape you or molest you. I might look sweet and innocent but I'm a monster on the-do you understand, Chirstina?"

"Yeah, totally." Just go with the flow, it's not like anything big's gonna happen that involves you…wait, where's Alfred? He better have not run off with the water, I was planning to do that! Oh, he's over there, being depressed and shit. What's he crying over? Erica might be gone, but it's not like she's dead. Or she might be…no, no, can't get sad now, now's not the time to be that. Which is why I'm gonna cheer up my super-hot boyfriend.

"Hey sweetie, something wrong?" Aw, he looks so cute when he's sad…like a kid. Ew.

"Nothing," God, that sigh could blow a house away! "I'm just worried that Erica might be hurt."

"Don't worry, babe, she's a lot smarter than us, she'll think of something. I mean, she can probably use that body of hers to sleep her way past the guards, huh, huh?" It seems my prodding and joking isn't doing him much good…woah, that's one pissed-off glare.

"She wouldn't do that, so don't say it." This guy is either super protective or totally into her. Ew, I like Erica and all but them being together sounds gross and messed up.

"Okay, sorry, my bad." I'll just leave him to his anger and sadness. For a super happy guy he can get like that quickly…I'll have to dump him after this is all over to save myself from some drama.

"Right-o then, we're moving out!" Maybe I should sleep with the British guy? His accent's super sexy and his ass is so perky! God, now I'm falling for a high-class snob, when did I lower my standards? Oh well, at least I'm not fallin for the creeper over there…why the hell does he keep smiling? Is that some sort of medical condition or something?

Pleh, the sand is so nasty! It's even nastier than…well, I'd promise I'd never think about that again, didn't I? Hey, aren't we going in the opposite way of the cop car? Maybe I should ask-no, then the snob would be all like, 'Weren't you listening, my good lady?' and the pervy teen would be like, 'She couldn't, Eyebrows, she was too busy looking at your arse!' and then the snobby guy would blush and look cute then yell at the kid and be un-cute.

Wait a sec, I think I see something! Oh. My. God. We've actually made it to a town, hallelujah! Now I can finally look in a mirror and fix my hair, and maybe get some service and call Aunt Tina and tell her her daughter has been…er…I'll do that later.

Wow, thank God! It has never felt so good to take a shower, even if it _is_ in a crappy Quality Inn one. Maybe I can get lucky and find that British guy shirtless-I mean Alfred! Yeah, Alfred would look so much better shirtless than him…right? Oh whatever, they're all guys!

Huh. No one in the room, not even Francis. Oh well, might as well get dressed…wait here they are. Okay, so someone saw a cop car come by here for a lot of gas and he had a moustache, whoopy-doo…he was wearing a uniform but it was the old version so he didn't look legit…when asked where he was headed, he said Las Vegas? Damn! That's where we were supposed to go, I should've hitched a ride-oh wait he captured Erica, right…so now we're gonna call her parents and have them pick us up. Pfft, screw that, I'm not getting yelled at about how I let their kid get abducted!

"Sorry, but I don't have any service still." Good, they'll believe that if I flutter my eyelashes. Hook, line, sinker-

"Then you can just call them on the pay phone, da?" Shit, that Ivan guy is smarter than he looks.

"Okay, I'll do that then!" Good-bye university…

Yelling, yelling…okay, in the car! By the way, I'm sitting next to Arthur, not Alfred, so might as well…damn got rejected. Oh, he's blushing! That's so adorable! Heheh, he's not immune to my feminine charms so I'll get him later…

"Hey, there's a McDonald's over there! Hold on, I think I have my card with me!" Oh yeah, I remember that Alfred told me about his unlimited gift card thingy. I didn't think it was real, but I guess even something as insane as an unlimited McDonald's gift card _is_ real.

"Okay, I guess we can stop off there then." Uh, Erica's parents were such cheapskates…there's a mall over there, people! We can just eat there and I can go shopping and stuff. Wait, the kid's talking to me.

"French french french french french public masturbation." Ew, I remember that some guys were jacking off to this one gym filled with girls while I was walking, and they all winked at me. I slapped everyone of their sorry asses.

"No, sorry, I'm not, like, into that." Why is everyone looking at me like I'm an idiot? Great, now even Alfie's lookin at me weird, and he's the dumbest one of them all. What? Just because he's my boyfriend doesn't mean that I have to like everything about him.

Damn, this is a lot of food! All I got was a salad, now I feel left out…maybe that Ivan guy will give me some of his.

"Hey Ivan?"

"Da?" The hell did that mean? Whatever.

"Can I have some of your nuggets?"

"Sure, this food disgusts me anyway. Here you go comrade!" I don't get what he's saying but free food is free food.

"So I called the Las Vegas Police Department and they said they'd keep a lookout for the vehicle." Oh good, we can always rely on them. "But we're still going to Las Vegas anyway. Um, you all don't have to stay with us, we can find her on our own-"

"We'll help you." Wow, that's some damn good unison. Erica never told me about these guys but they seem close to her…what did she use to call that kind of thing? A reverse-harem? Yeah, whatever it was called.

"Okay, great, let's go!" Alfred's doing that pose again…was that supposed to be Superman?

"Sit the bloody hell down, Alfred, you're embarassing us!" Ah, that accent was to _die_ for! I'd have to find some way to fuck that guy tonight for sure. Alfred can go to a bar or something, I really don't care anymore.

"So, let's like, go then." I'll say good-bye to my university life for now, but I'll get Daddy to give it back to me somehow…

How much was a prostitute again?


	15. Chapter 15: The Nordics

"Here's your food, maggot, and don't ask me for any more or I'll make you drop and give me twenty!" The sergeant had become the most frequent but only visitor to me, and would only bring the daily serving of food with him, which was fries, apple sauce, and water. I guess fasting paid off after all.

I hid a smile as I answered, "I'll eat it, I'll eat it."

He was actually Berwald Oxenstierna, aka Sweden, and he had been working with Lukas, aka Norway, to bring down the Mint Flying Bunny Corporation and it's affiliates for years. Supposedly the other Nordic units Denmark, Iceland, and Finland were working with them, although I hadn't seen them yet. I had only met with Lukas once but we passed notes of battle plans, each one getting more drastic than the next. As Berwald left I pulled out the other note and checked around to make sure no one could see, then cursing myself for being so paranoid. Then again, who wouldn't be? If we were caught not only would my ass be in trouble but the Nordics too, and once they were recognized as escapees they'd be decomissioned immediately.

The Nordics were the first units to be created, and were drawn and designed by guesses from Hetalia-reading staff members. Through these guesses the Nordics were made as the first edition of units, which might sound prestigious but really meant that there was bound to be problems. The problem with Berwald was simple: he was too strict, stricter than Germany, so they had to toss him out. Lukas's malfunction was that he was too sneaky and restrained against the 'simualtions' to be used, so they tossed him out with Berwald and the others. But the scientists had made another giant mistake: they forgot to turn them off, which left Lukas to develop a plan against the company to save other clones like him. This operation had been going on for three years, yet the Nordics were only able to make small alterations and achieve high positions.

I had a feeling that the plan Lukas would make with me would be their last stand.

I read the note with little or no excitement, not expecting much to my question of 'When will I meet the others?' Suddenly, though, the answer became more stimulating than I thought.

_Tonight._

"Be careful, Ms. Erica, the Nordics you know now are much different than the ones here." Berwald whispered into my ear before leading me into Lukas's office. I recognized it from everyone else's because it had a bamboo plant on the table, where others would just have a stubby cactus.

I nodded and prepared for the worst as I entered the room, which could be seen from outside to be filled with cute blonde guys. Once I walked in I was glomped and almost thrown back. I puffed out air in surprise and was even more surprised to see Iceland hugging me.

I blushed as he said, "I've been waiting for you all my life."

"Dude, let go of her!" Finland grabbed Iceland from behind and threw him onto the table, where he attempted to hide as Finland gave him the piledriver. Denmark stood nearby, leaning against the wall and looking out of an imaginary window.

What. The. Hell. I felt Lukas grab my hand and pull me back as Finland and Iceland wrestled each other, muttering curse words in Finnish and Icelandic. I watched in astonishment as Finland easily picked him up and held Iceland's body above him, spinning around and hollering like in the WWE rings. Before he could destroy the poor Icelandic boy Berwald stepped in and lifted Iceland like a paperweight off the killer Finland's shoulders. He stood in-between them and called Denmark over in Swedish. Denmark sighed heavily but joined them, tapping his shoe irritably on the ground as he stood next to Finland.

"These," Lukas began, introducing the countries to me with a wave of his hand, "are our allies."

I stared in surprise, thinking, Man, this would be as crazy as being with _my_ units. Good thing I was used to crazy.

"Pleased to meet you all, my name is Erica." They all said their hello's and Lukas decided to introduce them.

"On the far left is Simon Densen, beside him Tino Väinämöinen, you know Berwald Oxenstierna, and that's Emil Steilsson," He referred to Emil in a colder tone and I became confused. These characters _were_ different from Hetalia, and soon the differences of them came to light.

They looked a lot like their characters, if you looked past the disguises. Simon had fashioned his hair down rather than shooting upwards, Tino had black emo hair, Berwald didn't have glasses and had long, blonde hair, and Emil had brown hair and had gotten brown contacts. They were exceptional disguises, you might say, simply amazing considering the circumstances. Their personalities, though, were of course completely messed up.

"Are you ready to hear the plan?" Lukas asked as he picked up a large sheet of paper from the table. I nodded.

"Fire away."

A gunshot was heard and I saw that Tino was holding a pistol in his hands, deep concentration on his face. The other nations looked at him in concern but I was indifferent along with Lukas, used to the sort of thing with Ivan.

"That's not what I meant." Tino's eyes flashed with disappointment as he mumbled, "Oh, right."

Lukas sighed and laid the sheet on the table, smoothing it out so we could all see as we gathered around. I felt someone grab me from behind and glanced back to see that it was Emil. I glared at him but he held up his hands, saying, "It wasn't me."

"So," I turned my attention back to Lukas, making sure to cover up my ass. "what will happen is that tomorrow Emil and I will head down to the electric room and turn off the machines for the clones, and while everyone else is trying to keep them in place Berwald will get Erica out of jail and they'll meet up with Simon and Tino for the next part, which is Berwald, Simon, and Tino leaving Erica and opening up the emergency doors in Jack's office to let the clones out in the open. Jack will have to be distracted, which is where you come in," He motioned to me and I nodded in understanding, "you'll have to distract him long enough for the two to get the doors open, and Berwald will show you where to escape to after you hear the emergency siren. When you get through wait for us at L'Atelier, where you'll get a table at the back of the place."

"Er, where is L'Atelier again?" I cut in as I tried to memorize what was being said. I couldn't get how the other nations could follow him, but then again they had been working together for years.

"In the MGM Grand, we have reservations there." He explained, pulling up the paper he had been pointing to and folding it together. He quickly put it back in one of the drawers of his desk and came over to me, looking seriously into my eyes.

"We won't be able to free the units unless you can distract Jack, understand? The whole mission depends entirely on this. If you can't do it, tell me now or there won't just be hell from us but from the whole corporation." My eyes widened at that but I shook my head.

I met his dull blue eyes and replied, "I can do this."

Lukas smiled slightly along with the others, although I noticed that Emil was not among them. Shortly after the briefing Berwald escorted me back to my cell, not saying a thing about what had just been said as expected. He opened the door for me and I trotted into my cell, sitting down like normal. It had been a few days since I had been jailed but I adapted quite well, if I do say so myself. He nodded to me before leaving and shut the door slowly behind him.

I stared up at the ceiling, wondering how I would distract Jack Daniels. Playing with his name would come in handy, but I wouldn't want the guy to shoot my head off. Maybe I could make up some story about how we were long-lost family members or something…no, that wouldn't work either. I brought my hand up to my forehead and rubbed my temples, knowing that it would take me a while to get rid of the habit. Even though I tried to stay on the plan for tomorrow I couldn't concentrate on it, my thoughts drifting back to the units and Christie. Were they somewhere safe now? Did they get plane tickets to go back to Florida or were they trying to find me? I hated that I didn't know what was happening and that there was no way I could find out if they were safe or not. I started to think about how my opinions of them had changed throughout the days they had been with me.

Arthur: I used to have a crush on him, but now he was just a sensible friend that I had the pleasure of becoming close to. Sure he was a pain in the ass sometimes, but who isn't? He might have been the only one who had stayed calm with me on the plane, excusing Ivan.

Ivan: Creepy. Super creepy, actually, but you could tell that under all that creepy there was a childlike innocence, and that he would stick by your side no matter what. Unless there was vodka. He would kill, maim, freaking _mass-murder_ for that stuff.

Gaul!Francis: The biggest pervert you'd ever meet, but because of that he was friendly and (somewhat) helpful. Maybe he had gropped me, molested me, and hit on me a couple of times but that's how he was programmed to act, and even though he was annoying as hell he was like a little brother to me. Kinda.

Alfred: Idiot. Jackass. Can't read the atmosphere. Flirt. Stupid. Happy-go-lucky. Brawn with no brains. Not only had he started dating my cousin, but he even had the audacity to make me fall for him, too. Damn him. It's not like he thought the same way anyway, he was too into boobs and asses for that. But he did say that looks don't change who you are…and he was always ready to beat up a guy if they went to far…and he always smiled at me so kindly…damn, I _do_ still like him. No, scratch that. _I love him_.

"Goddammit…" I muttered, facepalming as the recognition sunk in. I liked the idiot, great. Well whatever, it had nothing to do with tomorrow so I shouldn't worry about it…

For now.


	16. Chapter 16: Operation WIN and FAIL

"Wake up, maggot, it's already past six am!" Berwald's strict and loud voice broke through my dream. I opened my eyes, wiping them to clear the sleep, and yawned as Berwald came over to my cell door, keys dangling in his hands.

He unlocked it and I walked out, steadying myself as I almost leaned against him in wariness.

"Couldn't you have woke me up later?" I complained, making another yawn. "I was having a good dream, you know."

"I know, I could hear you saying his name out loud." Berwald chuckled as I blushed with embarassment.

"Let's just drop it and meet up with Simon already," I growled, ignoring him as he chuckled again. The plan was to be done as quickly as possible, and there was no time for joking. As we walked down the hall at a fast pace I caught a glimpse of Emil walking with Lukas towards where the electric room was supposed to be. He caught my eye and I flashed him a quick smile. He stared at me with what could only be described as guilt and walked faster with Lukas. Confused, I turned my sights on ahead of us and eventually caught the sight of Tino's black hair as he readied his gun.

"Will he have to use that?" I asked as we neared them, and Berwald shook his head in sadness.

"We all will, even you." He added, and slipped me a gun from his jacket pocket. I held it in my hands and shivered, thinking back to the plane incident. How people could shoot these things so nonchalantly was beyond me.

"Good, you're all here! I was getting bored." Tino said impatiently. We both apologized and he waved it off. "Forget it, it's not a big deal. Ready to go, big guy?"

Berwald glared at him. "Soldier, I told you not to call me that." Tino rolled his eyes and Simon stood in the background, looking bored out of his mind.

"Let's go already, I'm bored enough without you two bickering all the time," Simon whined, and I flinched as Tino fired a warning shot at him.

"Quiet, Simon, the adults are talking here!" Tino yelled, asserting his authority over the other men. Berwald rolled his eyes that time and bent down towards me.

"Jack will probably be in the conference room, which is just up that staircase and to the right." He pointed towards a small, metal spiral staircase and I nodded. "Keep him preoccupied for as long as you can."

I nodded again and started to walk up the stairs when Berwald suddenly called, "And Erica!"

I looked back at them. He continued, "Thank you, and I hope you order me some of the appetizers I like at the MGM Grand place."

I grinned at him and replied, "Don't worry, I will."

Berwald saluted and Simon and Tino copied him. I saluted back, holding back a laugh as they stood below me, entrusting a 14-year-old girl to help them save the clones that were being illegally trafficked as sex slaves.

I reached the top of the staircase at an alarming speed, and took a moment to breathe before going into the meeting room on the right. I put my hand on the handle, letting it linger. I still had no idea what I'd say to distract Jack Daniels, so I'd either have to improvise or he'd have to be really chatty. I put bets on the improv. I opened the door and stormed inside, slipping the small gun Berwald gave me into one of my pockets. My eyes surveyed the room, but I couldn't see Jack Daniels at all.

Panic rising, I looked uner the giant wooden table, checked the closet, and glanced at the back of the door to try and see him. He wasn't anywhere in the room. Breathing hard I ran out of the room and went back outside, hurrying to the staircase. I saw that the other Nordics had moved on but that Lukas had just come out from his office, _by himself_.

Didn't Lukas look a lot like Jack? Maybe that was him down there, or maybe…Emil was working with Daniels. I stepped back, covering my mouth in shock. _That's_ why Emil looked so guilty when he looked at me. He had told Jack about _the whole operation_. I prepared to scream at Lukas about what I had found out but was silenced by a glove over my mouth. I scratched against it, trying to get it to let go, but was pulled inside the meeting room instead. Once inside I was thrown into a chair and heard the door being locked from the inside. The man who had grabbed me turned around and I saw with shock that it was Emil, wig and contacts off. He smiled at me and walked over, sitting on the table at a very close distance.

He twirled the keys around in his hand. "So it seems that I've been discovered, and by a teenager!" He laughed at that and I recoiled at the sheer coldness in it.

"To tell you the truth, at first I wanted to be like Lukas and take the place down," He suddenly confessed, and sadness filled his voice, "but after all those failures…Lukas might seem capable, but he's hardly that. And whenever one of his tried to help him, you know what he'd say? 'You'll just mess it up.' God, he was such a…what do you call it…oh yeah, douchebag!" He laughed a bit more before going on, "So one day I decided that I had had enough of his 'planning' and that I'd get the place myself. Getting no assisstance from the others and picking the worst of days to do it I was captured, of course. But don't worry, I was freed when I was promised a whole new life after I got all the others caught. Which is what leads us to the situation now…"

I glared at him and replied angrily, "So you're just gonna sell your best friends out like they were nothing?"

He pondered that for a minute before answering, "Yeah, I guess you could say I am. But that doesn't mean I can't have fun, right?"

I frowned at him in confusion but understood what he meant when he stroked my arm with a strange gleam in his eyes. I smacked his hand away, glaring at him as I suppressed the fear as he looked at me in a very Francis-like way. He looked angry and forced me to him, trying to touch me in places that you wouldn't want to know. I screamed for help in vain, trying to be as loud as possible.

"They can't hear you, my dear, they're too busy with their mission." He chuckled darkly, coming closer and closer to me. I kicked, jabbed, and spat on him but he didn't stop, and finally I had to say the one thing that would be totally cliché but just might save my virginity.

"Alfred!"

The door burst open and the tall blonde ran in, looking the most heroic than he ever did. Once seeing me his face lit up in happiness, and once seeing Emil touching me his expression changed to infuriation. Before the Icelandic boy could even introduce himself Alfred threw a huge punch at him, sending him flying across the room. I stared in shock and got up, afraid of what would happen to me.

My paranoid thoughts were closed when Alfred hugged me, mumbling softly into my hair, "I'm so glad you're safe."

I felt my heart skip a thousand beats but ignored it, knowing that this wasn't the time for a romantic confession. I pushed him away and strolled over to the barely-conscious Emil, bending down to meet with him eye to eye. He looked up at me and glared. I glared back.

"What do you want the Hero to do with him?" Alfred asked, striking a heroic pose out of habit. I stood up and replied, "Right now I just want you to hold him high enough so his feet won't touch the ground."

Alfred nodded, smiling as he lifted up Emil with his feet dangling above the floor y the collar. I walked over to him, looking over his beat-up figure. Damn, Alfred could hit hard…

I smacked him as hard as I could across the face.

"That's for touching me." I declared strongly, still feeling the chills going up my body from the episode. "Now tell us where Jack is and what he plans to do."

One of Alfred's eyebrows rose. "Who's Jack?"

We both ignored him as Emil replied, "Jack is in the place called 'None of Your Fucking Business', and he plans to do whatever the hell he wants." He smirked at me and I glared coldly at him.

"Tell me know or I'll let Alfred use you as punching bag for training to fight Ivan," I growled, getting up close to his face. He glared at me, not saying anything, and I gave the signal to Alfred to squeeze his collar. He did and Emil coughed, struggling to get out of the American's grasp.

Finally he huffed, "He's getting some guards to take care of Berwald, Simon, and Tino and is going over to the electrical room to get Lukas."

My eyes grew wide in shock as I heard this but I made it go away with a wave of my hand. "Let him go, Alfred, this guy's given us all we need to know."

Alfred didn't let go. "I won't let go of him until you let me beat him up for doing those things to you." His grip tightened around the collar and Emil's eyes shone with fear. I felt my body heat up but ignored it, not wanting anyone else to get hurt by this.

"Let him go," I pleaded, but Alfred didn't respond. I sighed and added, "_please_."

Alfred smiled and dropped him, letting Emil run to the other side of the room. "Thanks for using the magic word."

I scoffed and grabbed the keys that Emil had left on the table, locking the door when Alfred and I had gotten out. I slipped the keys into my pocket, making sure it wasn't in the same one with the gun, and ran down the staircase with Alfred at my heels. When we reached the bottom I turned towards him.

"I'm going after Jack, you get the others and go down the hallway over there," I motioned to the hallway where Jack's office was, "and take the third door on your left. Berwald, Simon, and Tino should be in there. They'll be the ones that look out of place and like the Nordics." Alfred raised an eyebrow at me as I finished but nodded. I was about to dismiss him when he stopped me.

"Christie and I broke up." He said abruptly, and I stared at him in confusion. "It turned out she was sleeping with Arthur."

"Oh Alfred, I'm sorry…" I started, but was stopped by Alfred's hand.

"Don't worry about it. I only dated her to prove I could be in a long relationship anyways." He replied, not sounding emotional about it at all. Actually, he sounded…happy? "I'll go with the others and do what you told us, but I have a gift I need to give to you after this is all over."

I gulped, wondering what he could possibly mean by that. "O-okay, but don't forget that you need to meet up with me at L'Alterier at the MGM Grand."

"Got it!" He gave me a thumbs-up and left, leaving me alone in the corporation building. I gazed after him, my heart heavy to see him going away from me. What if he didn't come back…no, not gonna start thinking like a dumbstruck lovergirl, although I probably do count as one right now…

The office doors flew by me as I ran like the wind towards the electrical room. I knew the location by heart because Jack pointed it out to me while we were walking towards my cell.

"That's where the magic is started, where the clones are kept, sorted, and given life. Maybe if you're a good girl I'll let you see it one day."

At that I had found a way to stomp on his foot. "In your fucking dreams, pal." I hadn't expected myself to say that, but the feeling of being lead away by tough guys to a jail cell made me feel kind of badass.

I stopped at the electrical room, which had the voltage sign inside that read, "Danger: We Are Not Responsible For Any Damage Done To Vital Regions", and grabbed the handle, sucking up courage as I turned it and went inside.

Jack was standing there, a gun in his hand, and Lukas lay on the floor, a bullet in his head. I felt tears well up inside me but held them back as I looked down on the brave Norwegian. I heard clapping and directed my attention back to Jack.

"Well done, Ms. Erica, well done. Although, of course, I expected this sort of thing from you." He chuckled lightly. I swiftly took out the keys and held it in front of him.

"Your little spy was very helpful," I replied coldly. He stared at the keys for a second but snapped his eyes back onto mine, this time glaring at me slightly.

"I'd like to show you something, if you will." He motioned me to follow him and I stood where I was. "Don't worry, I promise not to shoot you. Here, I'll even put the gun down." He slowly put the gun on the floor and I stepped over to him.

He pressed a button and the framing in front of the control panel lifted, revealing what could only be described as the place the clones were stored and created in Star Wars. The room shown before me was completely white, and tens of thousands of units were hung like dolls from the ceiling by metal collars around their necks. Below, there were untis on a conveyer belt to go into the boxes they were shipped in. Once they got in the boxes they would be piled onto a nearby truck and sent to who-knows-where. Around them were people wearing lab coats, standing close to the belt and inspecting the units as they were packaged. On the far lower left was a boxed-off area labeled 'The Simulation Room', where some screams and yelps were occasionally heard. I stared at the scene below me, too sickened and shocked to say anything.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Jack said, breaking me away from it all. "And the beauty of it all is that we haven't been caught. It's amazing what money does, yes?" He laughed evilly and I flinched.

"How…can you call this sort of thing a beauty? They're being treated just like-"

"Toys." He finished bluntly. I glared at him but he continued anyway.

"Yes, it seems like that. But money is money, and it happens to make the world go round." He smirked at me and I balled up my fists, resisting every urge to punch him in the face.

"They might not be human, but you can't treat them like this! They have feelings, hopes, dreams! You have no right to take away their rights and sell them as slaves to sex!" I thought back to all the crazy things that had happened with the units. Although they weren't real people, they had the qualities of them, and that was good enough for me.

Jack frowned, scratching his hair. "Yeah, you're right, but you seem to be the only one who gives a damn. How about I make you a deal?"

After he said that he pushed a button and the doors opened, and Alfred, Arthur, Gaul!Francis, and Ivan were dragged in by brawny guards. Once seeing me they all called out my name, and I rushed over to get to them. Jack grabbed my arm and restrained me, pulling out the gun in my pocket as he did so.

"Can't let you use this, now can we?" He grinned at me as he waved his hand to all the units. "I believe these are your units, America, Britain, France and Russia. It's easy to tell you have a…bond with them," he seemed disgusted to say the words, "so to put it in your best interest, I'll make you a deal: You can either leave this place scot-free, never speak of it again, and let your units be destroyed, or you can become a sex slave yourself and let them live. What do you say?"

"Don't do it, Erica, he's obviously lying to you!" Arthur yelled before being silenced by tape around his mouth.

"Mademoiselle, don't let him trick you!" Gaul!Francis also said before he was kicked in the shin.

"You shouldn't have to bow down to this sad excuse of a man, da?" Ivan's creepily cheery voice said.

Alfred stared at me, knowing good and well that I would do it. I could only read his lips as he mouthed, "Don't do it, just wait."

Wait? For what? I kept my face straight but was still confused by what he meant.

Suddenly police lights were heard, and the guards freaked out, letting the units take control and knock them out, Alfred with heroic punches, Ivan with his water pipe, Arthur with some combat moves, and Gaul!Francis with a kick in the balls. I saw Jack reach for his gun and held him back as best I could, using all the anger for Lukas's death as strength. I pushed him down and grabbed the gun, aiming it at him. He glared at me.

"Go ahead, shoot me, I dare you." I tapped my finger on the trigger but didn't shoot. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

"Me!" Christie's unmistable voice was heard and she burst through the doorway, laughing truimphantly as she held the fake police siren. "I am _so_ gonna get a medal for this!"

I couldn't help but smile at her remark and Jack took that moment to jump up and grab the gun, restraining me and pointing it at my head. Christie gasped and ran towards me along with the other units.

"Stop, or I'll shoot her!" Jack shouted, making them stop where they were. "Now two things are going to happen here! The units are going to go back in their boxes, and after that I will let the girl go. Understand?"

Alfred and Ivan brought up there weapons but Arthur stopped them. "Alfred, Ivan, don't. He _will _shoot her, I know him." He glared at him as he said this and Jack glared back.

"That's right, I remember you now." Jack mused playfully, "You're the most _experienced_ of the units, aren't you?" I flinched and saw the green in Arthur's eyes turn black.

He snarled and began to walk towards Jack but was stopped by Ivan. "Don't let him get to you, comrade, he's only one person."

Arthur pushed Ivan aside with unexpected power and stomped towards Jack, standing only a few feet away from him. I felt the barrel of the gun get pushed harder to my head.

"You are the lowest of the low," Arthur said menacingly. "Whatever you have you don't and never will deserve."

"Oh, I'm so distressed about you saying that, it really hurts my feelings," Jack replied with heavy sarcasm. Arthur took another step forward and Jack put the gun against my head even more. "Ah, can't let you do that, Arthur. This girl is my hostage, you see, so unless you want her dead I suggest you come with me and get prepared to be shipped to the next fangirl."

I hated this. Seeing Arthur with his eyes filled with fury and pain, not being able to do anything. I wanted to help him, to get out of this grip, but Jack was much stronger than I.

Arthur stood back, glaring, and held up his wrists. "We surrender."

I gasped and yelled, "No, stop, just let him shoot me! You don't have to-" Pain soared through me as Jack slammed the gun against my head.

"Quiet, you." He hissed, but then grinned happily at the others. "Great, now why don't you all just follow me?"

"Do you have your boarding pass?" My mom asked, busy with our bags as we sat at the terminal. I flashed her the pass and she nodded, not noticing the sadness in my eyes. I dismissed myself and walked over to the window, staring off into the distance. Christie's shape became apparent and she put her hands on my shoulders comfortingly.

"Stop beating yourself up, it's not your fault." She whispered, "The units gave themselves up, you couldn't stop them."

How Christie had found out they were clones I had no idea but I answered, "If I had just realized quicker that Emil was conspiring with Jack the Nordics wouldn't all be dead." We had found their bodies as we were walking out, tossed into a dumpster like garbage. I convinced Jack to let us take Lukas and gotten Christie to help dig out Berwald, Simon, and Tino. We had given the best burial we could, but since we had little or no money we could only afford to bury them in the desert and get a priest to say a few words.

She sighed. "I know, but you don't know everything, Erica."

A ding was heard as our flight was called up. Christie let me go and said, "We need to go, come on."

"I'll catch up," I muttered, noticing that it was raining outside. Strange how that actually happened in the desert, especially in Las Vegas. I wondered if the units knew it was raining.

After they surrendered Jack had made them all go into their respective boxes, but allowed them some time with me before they left. Gaul!Francis said that he'd learn to play a lot more songs on the piano, and promised to only go into men's bathrooms. Ivan said he'd stalk Toris less and bring an extra water pipe wherever he went just in case he lost one. Arthur told me that he'd cook a lot more for his guests, and since I was too sad to talk him out of it he put this as a life goal. Alfred didn't say anything, he simply went over to me, kissed me, then smiled at me sadly and left. I got a few curious looks from the others but didn't care, my heart too happy to give a damn about how messed up it was that he liked me.

I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks and I wiped them away, putting on my glasses before I got into the airplane. I sat down near Christie and found her texting one of her boyfriends. I got the aisle seat and sighed, looking down the walkway at the other passengers. Suddenly I noticed one had an orange curl. Looking as discretly as I could I saw that Italy, or Feliciano, had a red collar around his neck and that a woman of about 27 was holding it. He whimpered and she slapped him, telling him to shut the hell up. I balled up my fists, resisting the urge to go over there and yell at her for hurting him, but had a better idea. I decided I would make a promise to Jack Daniels, Alfred F. Jones, Arthur Kirkland, Francis Bonnefoy, Ivan Braginski, and all the other Hetalia units out there, including Feliciano Vargas.


	17. Chapter 17: Epilogue, 9 years later

An apartment bustled with activity as a woman in her early 20's prepared for work, shuffling around the bathroom and doing her make-up while fixing her hair. It was in a bun and was a light shade of blonde, and her black glasses reflected the bathroom light as she dabbed on lipstick. A call from her cell phone could be heard from the living room and she dashed over to get it, cursing as she pressed the end call button instead of the receive call.

"Damn touch phones…" She muttered, calling back to the person as quickly as she hung up. As she waited for the call the TV blasted the news, and the woman dropped down to her coffee table and picked up the remote, turning it down a few notches.

"_Today the last of the sex slave industries supervisors was found, a Jack Daniels, who was found drunk at a casino bar in Las Vegas. This crackdown of the Mint Flying Mint Bunny Corporation and it's affiliates had taken two years to jail every employee that was working in the Corporation. The 'units', or clones, as they were called, were all released and given free citzenship to whatever country they chose after the infamous trial of Monroe vs. Mint Flying Bunny Corporation, which was the lawyer Erica Monroe's lawsuit against the company for creating clones and selling them as sex slaves to countries all over the world, from Canada to the United Kingdom to Japan to even the USA. The trial focused mostly on the cruel and inhumane hardships of the clones and with teary eyes the jury convicted the Mint Flying Flying Bunny Corporation guilty of all charges, and the company immediately went bankrupt. Erica Monroe faded out after the case and is now-"_

"Erica? Hey, you there?" The voice from the phone jolted Erica from the news story.

"Y-yeah, I'm here."

"Come on over for work, you're late." Ah, Amelia could always deadpan the worst things with the greatest of ease, she thought. "And Brittany brought donuts. Again."

"I like them, okay?" Brittany's guilty voice drifted through the speaker and Erica smiled.

"Alright, I'll be right there."

She hurried out the door, slipping her phone into her pocket and smoothing down her black pencil skirt before leaving. After giving a quick greeting to her neighbor, Christie Hilgard Vargas Lopez Burns Corson Roosevelt Gillard Monroe, she ran down the stairs and dove into the tram station directly across from her apartment, ignoring the stares from people as she jumped on the moving tram. The conductor didn't notice and it kept going, eventually making a stop at a tall skyscraper downtown. She got off and ran inside, almost tripping on her high heels. Before she got inside she got a glimpse of a stray blonde hair and spun around, trying to see it. After a second she shook her head and went inside the building, checking in with the receptionist and then taking the elevator to her floor, the tenth.

Her friends greeted her and Erica grabbed a donut to eat before going inside her office, which had a beautiful view of the city.

"Ms. Monroe, someone's here to see you," The phone on her glass desk beeped, and she pressed a button and said, "Tell them to wait until I'm on my break."

"He says it's very important." Erica sighed, thinking, Well, if it's another one of _those_ clients then there'd be no point in trying to stop them. "Let them in."

Erica sat down in a swivel chair, exaiming all the cases she'd have to do next. All of them had to do with suing a fast-food chain. She breathed a sigh and sat back, closing her eyes and resisting the urge to rub her temples like she had always done nine years ago. She always used to do that, and that habit developed in the summer after the ending of middle school, where not only she changed, but her ideals changed, too.

The sound of Brittany squealing brought her back from her memories and back to the present. She got up and began to walk to the door. It was opened before she got there and she stared, dumbstruck, at the large, blonde-haired and handsome man before her. He smiled at her softly as she said,

"Well hello there, Mr. Jones."

* * *

><p>Aaaaaaand that's it! Open endings are always fun, no?<p>

Thank you all for the support and reviews, I really, _really_, appreciate it. It's been alot of fun making this, and maybe I'll write some more...

Or not.

But I'm rambling, and I just want to say thanks for all the love and I hope you're satisfied with the ending!


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